Monday, 25 March 2013

TNA Review 24th March 2013

So here we are again in Chicago, the same arena in Chicago in fact.  I get the feeling this is the B roll episode for this "Show on the road".  Clearly they just decided to film two episodes in the same place like they did in the UK.

Hogan continues the program after the intermission by coming out to further his war storyline with the aces and eights.  He rambles on about the business, the betrayal he has suffered at the hands of Bully Ray and his new found determination to see the Aces destroyed and removed from TNA.  To accomplish this lofty goal he brings out his top four fightin' men in the form of Samoa Joe, Magnus, Kurt Angle and Jeff Hardy.  Taz rightly points out that all four of these guys had their asses kicked by the Aces last week, or twenty minutes ago if you were in attendance.

Fear Bubba, the evil genius of wrestling
No James Storm I see, even though he was part of Stings dream team at Lockdown.  Magnus has apparently shined brighter and become one of the chosen now which isn't a bad thing, just unexpected really.  I can't help but feel that this story may have been better if Hogan had decided to bring in a new guy to help spearhead the attack on the Aces.  They could throw a major swerve and have say Jeff Jarrett come back to lead the charge, he would be cheaper and he is established with TNA fans.  Or they could bring in some new blood to lead.  Just trotting out the same four guys who lost last episode and have been continually beaten down by the Aces doesn't exactly inspire confidence now does it?  That's like rolling out Vegeta to fight the main bad guy in DBZ every time even though he loses every fight.

Anyway Jeff decides to suggest a fatal four way to determine a new #1 contender for the title and be the first to challenge the Aces for dominance.  Hogan loves this idea apparently and decides to set that as the main event for the night.

After this we see the first of several vid packs titled "the rise of Bully Ray".  Basically it's a way of trying to tie together all of the disparate plot points of the Aces involvement in the show for the last nine months as part of some Machiavellian scheme of his.  Obviously none of this was planned from day one, but it at least gives the impression of a coherent plan rather than a string of writers farts with no real idea of where it is going.  Also these video packages are the only time we see the Aces during this episode.

TNA Tag Title Match - Chavo Guererro & Hernandez VS Bobby Roo & Austin Aries

The first match of the evening and it's the one we didn't get to see last week when the Aces jumped the challengers and kicked the shit out of them.  The match itself is pretty average but not bad in anyway really.  It has a few high spots and even Hernandez is marginally entertaining.  Aries and Roo win the match only to be jumped by Kazarian and Daniels.  I guess they are intent on challenging for the belts next then?  Seems odd really since both teams are heels.  Maybe Aries and Roo will turn face now to further copy team hell no.

X-Division Title Match - Zema Ion VS Sonjay Dutt VS Kenny King

Holy shit Sonjay Dutt is back?  He won't be for long though, he never sticks around for anything more than a fortnight before vanishing again for months on end.  The match is probably the best of the night really.  Sonjay does a lot of high risk moves but ends up botching around half of them.  Not like this means anything since King wins again.  He won't be dropping the strap until RVD comes back anyway so all of these matches are pointless to watch until then.
Whatever did happen to Gunner?

Backstage we see that Brooke Hogan has returned to work after being jumped by a cameraman waiting conveniently by the door.  She tells them she is here to do her job and that is all.  Not sure why we were shown this really since it didn't do anything for the plot going on with her.

Next we are shown a tortuously long propaganda video where TNA interviews fans about how TNA is the best wrestling brand in the world.  Now I have nothing against this since all wrestling shows do this regularly.  What I dislike about it is the way they have these so called fans claim that only the TNA wrestlers do fan events and meet and greet.  This is pure bullshit as most wrestling programs have fan events where you can talk to them and get autographs etc.  TNA really do themselves more harm than good with these videos.  The best bit is where a guy in a Daniel Bryan 'NO! NO! NO!' shirt says TNA is awesome.  Yeah nice work there guys in finding the fucking WWE fan amongst the hundreds of fans at the Lockdown event.

After this we have a rather funny scene where Sting prepares to speak to Hogan presumably walking to his office.  But when he gets to the door we see it's not a traditional office door, but instead a set of lift (elevator) doors.  I don't know maybe Hogans office is in the lift, or maybe he demanded a set of lift doors for his office.  The logical thing is Sting is going upstairs using the lift, but why film Sting going to the door?  Why not have him stand outside a normal door instead of the lift?

After the break we see Hogan signing some papers and the such before Sting wanders in.  Hogan has a rant at Sting about how he is the bringer of bad luck and how he should go live in the rafters again for a few years and get out of Hulks life.

Next up we continue the "epic feud" between Taryn and Gail.  Taryn has decided it's time to take her punishment for attacking Gail two matches in a row, although it's not like Gail didn't deserve it obviously.  Gail comes down to the ring to gloat about it and wants Brooke Hogan to fire Taryn right here and now, so Brooke answers and makes her way to the ramp.  Gail demands Taryn be fired and so Brooke agrees and fires Taryn on the spot as referee for the knockouts division.  Gail is all heel happy, laughing her arse off and pointing and waving bye bye.  Brooke then announces the obvious fact that Taryn has been signed to the knockouts division as it's latest wrestling acquisition which results in Gail being speared and roundly beaten.

And so it finally comes around that Taryn was always meant to be a wrestler in TNA from the start.  I found it hilarious that TNA expected a better response from fans when she debuted, but honestly who the fuck cared about her when she was Tiffany in WWE?  Did they honestly think that a graduate of the bullshit diva search competition was going to be a big splash for the ratings?  And her now being a wrestler does absolutely nothing for the knockouts division since she can't fucking wrestle.  And once again I must reiterate here that Taryn and Gail's little spat here completely negates the knockouts champion in every way since the limelight will now focus on their feud and not on the champ.  Once again Velvet gets the belt and is ignored by the company even though she is the most popular knockout they have ever had.

Singles Match - Matt Morgan VS Joseph Park

Sweet Jesus this is a tragic waste of time for everyone involved.  Why the fuck do you have a guy like Matt Morgan in a feud with Park?  I mean the guy is fucking huge, put him in the Aces and eight story already.  He already hates Hogan, so why didn't they just decide to add him to the group now that Bully Ray has revealed himself?  The match is what you would expect by the way, it was shit, I mean utter shit.  Parks has one mode "startled" where all he does is look at the crowd like a child who has been caught stealing sweets from the cupboard, while Morgan looks bored the entire match and I don't blame him.  Thankfully Morgan flattens the former Abyss and the match ends.

Speak you motherfucker!
The next criminal waste of our time comes in the form of Mike Tenays interview with the now mute AJ Styles.  AJ walks down the ramp, into the ring and proceeds to do NOTHING the entire time.  Taz tries to recruit him to the Aces which gets no response, while Tenay asks one question before remaining silent the entire time.  Great interview technique Tenay, could you imagine a press conference where only a single question is asked?  Things get more drab when James Storm comes out to sound like his hick redneck self and start bitching at AJ for the cheap shot he took in the last taping.  AJ doesn't respond and walks away to the back.  Chris Jericho could get away with this shit because he is Chris Jericho.  AJ Styles is a guy who could have done great things in pro wrestling until he landed in TNA and isn't over enough to get away with this shit.  Also you have to love how Taz tries to recruit AJ by taking the piss out of him, calling his bike a moped and saying he lives in some redneck part of America.  Yeah that technique always works, it's the same as trying to talk a suicidal man from a ledge by telling him his life is shit and there is nothing for him if he climbs back inside.

Fatal 4 Way #1 Contenders Match - Jeff Hardy VS Samoa Joe VS Kurt Angle VS Magnus

Give you three guesses who wins.........................Jeff Hardy the end.
Yeah Hardy is more annoying that this guy, seriously.

Show had at best 20 minutes of wrestling in a two hour show.  The entire episode is spent setting up for events at the next live show while the matches are passable at best.  They run title matches on free TV and when they have any match now that includes Jeff Hardy you know the fucker is going to win so why even bother watching the main event?  Jeff Hardy is like a shittier more annoying John Cena and I don't say that lightly.


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