Monday, 18 March 2013

TNA Review 17th March 2013


So the show after the "infamous" reveal of bully ray as the president of the Aces and eights.  The show is meant to start off with a world tag title match between Aries and Roo against the forgettable duo of Chavo and Hernandez.  Thankfully we are saved this boredom by the arrival of the aces in force who kick the crap out of chavo and Hern and clear the ring. 

Devon gets on the microphone but the idiots in the production truck have failed to link up the microphone to the broadcast signal, so we only hear the arena sound.  After Devon muffles his way through the lines because you can barely here them talk, he introduces Bully Ray.  Bully comes out to new Aces music with lyrics that suck like all TNA themes.  Bully then proceeds to run a big "I fooled you all" speech and also further antagonise Hogan. 

We then go backstage to see Sting freaking out and talking to himself.  Well I guess he is talking to the camera team but you never know with Sting considering his multiple personalities.  The guy has what 3 or 4 versions of himself that pop up unannounced, you have classic WCW Sting that reminisces about how great things used to be.  You have ageing legend Sting who still acts like classic Sting just with less moves.  Then you have totally not Crow Sting who tries his best to look like Brandon Lee's the Crow.  And finally you have Heath Ledgers the Joker Sting which turns up every now and then.  Sorry why do people still like him again?

So we are getting ready for knockouts tag match next but before that continues we are told that Taryn has been put on probation for attacking Gail Kim.  Now this would be OK if GAIL DIDN'T HIT HER FIRST!!! Where is the logic here?  Gail slapped the referee in her title match at Lockdown, so shouldn't she be on probation to? 

Knockouts Tag Match - Gail Kim & Tara VS Mickie James & Velvet Sky

I don't even know why they have Mickie James on contract anymore since they clearly have no interest in using her all that much and she is more focused on her music career now to care about wrestling so really TNA are wasting money on her.  She probably didn't even bring that many fans over from WWE anyway.  The match is passable with an early botch from Velvet where she tries to tag in Tara.  The match devolves into another Taryn and Gail bitch fest as Taryn slaps Gail costing her the match.

I find it funny how the knockouts champion has become a side note for the Gail versus Taryn feud that is developing.  Nice work TNA you managed to make a story based around the title in the most peripheral sense possible.  What next?  Velvet becomes the ref for Gail vs Taryn as Slammiversary?

Backstage the Aces are drinking beer around a wallpaper pasting table.  I guess they couldn't afford a better fold out table.  They joke about Brooke not calling Bully so he leaves her a voice message.  They also decide to pick a new target for tonight's beatdown.

Singles Match - Robbie E vs Rob Terry

Part 4 of the feud nobody wanted.  Robbie E gets squashed completely and utterly by Terry.  I'm not sure what this match was in aid of, unless it was further humiliate Rob Terry as he once again "dances" post match.  The most interesting part of this match was the fact that Terry got a "feed me more" chant from the crowd.  Not a good sign really, but no different from Ryback getting "Goldberg" chants I guess.

Sting goes to Hogans offices to discuss what their next move is.  Hogan is pissed with Sting for convincing him to trust Bully and throws him out of his office.  I guess Hogan has a reason to be angry since he did originally hate Bully Ray, but then you have to remember that this entire plot twist is to further focus the story on Hogan and his daughter so don't go giving credit to the writers here because this will have been Hogan and Bischoff again making sure that Hulk is the hero of this story.

After a break Sting is accosted by Roo and Aries who skit him for being a mook who fell for Bully Rays ploy.  Sting is apparently so angry now he just wants to fight someone so he picks Aries after Roo manages to duck out of shot to avoid Stings wrath.

The next segment is supposed to be re-debut of AJ Styles but after a minute of playing his theme Kaz and Daniels come out instead.  They have decided that since they are in Chicago they should turn up dressed as the Legion of Doom.  Obviously this gets them massive heat, especially when they call the L.O.D. the second best tag team of all time.  James Storm breaks this up by coming out and challenging Daniels to a match.

Singles Match - James Storm VS Christopher Daniels

The match is pretty run of the mill, nothing bad but nothing great really.  Kazarian runs interference the usual stuff.  Eventually Storm wins and the duo known as bad influence then attack Storm.  AJ rushes out and attacks them both and clears the ring.  Storm gets up and is promptly knocked down again by AJ.  I guess this is why Storm has been languishing all this time in the midcard so they can run a AJ/Storm feud.  I guess AJ will hate Storm for costing him any title shots for this year so he wants revenge.

Backstage the Aces attack Kurt Angle for about 3 seconds before just leaving him on the ground.  The funny thing is that he looks completely bored with this beatdown not really showing any pain or any emotion really.  I guess he just wasn't up for working all that much so just decided to phone it in.

Joseph Park hits the ring and thanks the fans for all the support and other really boring shit he has to say.  Matt Morgan then interrupts him and speaks directly to camera to address Hogan.  He calls Hogan a joke for hiring Park and runs his "I hate Hulk Hogan" gimmick some more before Park decides to challenge Morgan.  Morgan says he will pick the time and the place and then cheap shots park.  Yeah because Morgan really needs to go over the wrestling lawyer to build heat.  The guy is fucking massive, why isn't he involved in the main feud,

Singles Match - Sting VS Austin Aries

This match is pretty good all things considered.  Let it be known that I give credit where it is due and Sting and Aries run a good match.  The match is ended by the aces though who attack Sting and demand Hogan fire them.  The reason for this is unknown as yet, but I still think that Bischoff is the secret leader of the Aces and Bully is a fake to throw us off the trail,  Trust me when I say that the leader of the Aces and eights will be Eric Bischoff.

Anyway Hogan refuses to fire them and instead declares war by sending out the remaining babyface locker room to attack the aces.  They brawl for a few minutes until the aces win and Bully further taunts Hogan.

This show had a decent crowd for a televised show on the road, but the wrestling was forgettable and the focus of the show was squarely on Sting and Hogan as they fight the Aces and eights.  Honestly we are now watching two over the hill wrestlers going up against a stable of guys who can actually wrestle a fucking match, it's a joke.  I wouldn't be surprised to see Hogan VS Bully at Slammiversary.


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