Monday, 4 February 2013

TNA Review 3rd February 2013

So we return to the UK for another pretty big crowd for TNA.  This is great and everything for moronic fans here in the UK, but TNA get the wrong impression about foreign fans compared.  The truth here is that big brand wrestling shows like WWE hardly ever make an appearance here so when a TV wrestling show rolls into town so to speak, every wrestling fan buys tickets.  This is why the UK crowds are big, simply because we hardly ever get live wrestling shows over here.

Yeah they both looked like tits with cheap costume kilts
The show opens with Kazarian and Daniels turning up dressed like really poor Braveheart cosplayers.  They claim they are dressed as the greatest warriors in the UK, completely missing the point that Scotland is part of the UK, because England conquered them.  Anyway no disrespect to the Scots there, just pointing out how dumb Kaz and Daniels are.  They would have gotten a better response if they had turned up in Liverpool shirts claiming LFC are the greatest football club in the UK.  Since this is Manchester this would have gotten a huge response compared.

They both jabber on until Magnus makes his return for this week.  I say this week because it's likely he won't be flying back when the UK tour is over.  Anyway he gets a huge pop and now appears to be a babyface.  He challenges both of them to a fight, which never happens officially since he just cleans house and we never see them again tonight.  It was good enough to get the crowd fired up at least, but I thought a match between Magnus and Kaz/Daniels would have been a good mid show match.

What happens instead is Magnus calls out Devon for some revenge, since this is Open fight night Devon can't refuse apparently.  Why doesn't Devon just ignore him?  Aces and eights aren't subject to TNA rules surely.

Singles Match - Magnus VS Devon

Devon looks like he hasn't bathed in a few days, coming out looking like a hobo.  Magnus beats his ass for a few minutes until it looks like he is set to win.  The 2 Aces members TNA could afford to fly out attack Magnus.  Magnus quickly clears the ring and he wins the match by DQ.  Not sure why they couldn't give Magnus a legit win considering he is the hometown hero of the night.

Parks is next up as he prepares to reveal who he has selected to be his first ever Impact wrestling opponent.  Parks has apparently taken copious notes on the impact roster to narrow down his selection.  He doesn't get the time to reveal his choice though because Robbie E and Robbie T interrupts him.  Robbie E calls him a hamster which I assume is some kind of verbal taunt in North America.  In fact Robbie E calls the entire UK hamsters which pisses off Robbie T being he is Welsh.  Tenay obviously has no idea what people from Wales call themselves so he just says "Robbie T is from Wales".  And yes before anyone starts calling me stupid I am aware that the real name of Wales is Cymru and thus people from Cymru are Cymry.

Anyway Robbie E challenges Park seeing as he is a massive dope and Park and is pretty large also.  Parks accepts the challenge and we have our second match of the night.

Singles Match - Robbie E VS Joseph Park

Robbie E holds the early advantage here by getting in some offence before Parks basically Hulks out and destroys him for the 3 count.  I was kind of expecting Robbie T to sabotage his friends chances since he just called him and everyone in his country Hamsters and get a pop from the UK crowd again.  Seems TNA forgot to give Robbie T a push there.

The next bit is a pointless interview segment which has wildly varying commentary.  Zema Ion talks in character about how he expects to have 19 year old girls throwing themselves at him before the tour is over.  Bobby Roo talks about the tour being really popular all the while sounding about as bored and uninterested as you can imagine.  Kazarian bitches about how having his phone stolen while in Ireland, which is probably kayfabe, but honestly I don't know why they would decide that this was the best idea.  Magnus goes over his fucking itinerary of events for the week, which is about as interesting as watching paint dry, I am surprised the camera man didn't attack him out of boredom.  Finally Hernandez talks about how amazing it is to have huge crowds watching him, basically saying he is shocked that TNA managed to draw such a big crowd.

Hogan fist BRUVVVAH!!!
This entire segment is just filler because like last year they couldn't afford to fly the whole roster over so they only brought a handful of guys for the shows.  So they have to fill the space with any crap they can find.  I just don't get what TNA had in mind strategy wise for this tour.  They lie for months about Jeff Hardy being on the tour even though they knew beforehand that his drug conviction would prevent him from entering the UK or Ireland.  They decide to run the main show here like last year, but with half the roster available.  Fuck this company.

Aries and Rooo turn up next to reveal their next master plan which involves obtaining every title in the company.  This includes the knockout title also which would actually be funny to watch at least.  The first title they decide to pursue is the tag team titles, currently held by Chavo and Hernandez.  Now remember how Open Fight Night always had a title match?  Yeah well they forgot about that, instead this next match is another singles match between Aries and Chavo.

Singles Match - Austin Aries VS Chavo Guerrero

This was a good match to be honest and probably the first match I have seen Chavo actually have to work in since joining TNA.  Aries wins this match with some outside help from Roo in a mirror of last weeks match where Aries assisted Roo.

Backstage Samoa Joe talks to Angle about having his back tonight in the cage match against Anderson.  Bischoff and Brisco are upset that they aren't getting any support here so they get in Joes face.  This pisses off Joe who leaves.  Brisco and Bischoff want to know what problem Joe has with them, with Angle keeping them calm.  What is funny is how my brother called Brisco and Bischoff's heel turn months back when they first teamed up with Angle and Joe.

The next segment is just another excuse to waste time.  Bully and Brooke (who are apparently married now despite never finishing their ceremony) turn up first and then ask Sting to come out to fulfill his contractual duties.  Sting then gets the crowd to chant for Hogan.....twice.  Hogan eventually brings his broken ass down to the ring to eventually say that Bully is an awesome guy and he is fully reinstated.  Wow thanks TNA we really needed an entire 10 minute segment for Hogan to say that.  If I had paid for tickets and subsequently had my brain removed to become a TNA fan, I would be pissed with the show so far.

Hogan does give us a tag tables match for the following week, or straight after the show if you were in attendance.  This match is just against two aces members, not even anyone specific.

Mixed tag Match - Velvet Sky & James Storm VS Tara & Jessie Godderz

This was the only knockouts photo.....sorry blame TNA
This match is a squash and doesn't really serve to resolve any part of Velvet's return for the title.  James Storm is further wasted in a throwaway squash against Jessie who doesn't rate as a wrestler in my opinion.  TNA have completely trashed Velvet sky's return run here.  I just don't understand why TNA keep squandering their most popular knockout to date.

A short barrage of crap up next.  We have an exclusive interview with Hulk where he talks about how great Bully is now.  Joe is attacked backstage by the aces, or Brisco and Bischoff. 

Cage Match - Kurt Angle VS Mr.Anderson

This match is the finale of the night thankfully and is wholly underwhelming.  TNA try to build this as some sort of epic rematch from their previous cage brawl two years prior.  The match goes back and forth but never really reaches the heights of the previous match.  Angle wins out eventually and celebrates.
This was the best one of the cage match

His celebration is short lived as he is then attacked and betrayed by Brisco and Bischoff.  SWERVE! or at least it would be if it wasn't so fucking obvious.  See you next week.


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