Tuesday, 19 February 2013

TNA Review 17th February 2013

Week three of the TNA UK tour and this time we are in Wembley arena with a pretty big crowd.  Again a crowd this size only appears on the UK tours (and likely other countries to) because these shows rarely visit the UK and beyond.

The show kicks off with the Hulkster as he slowly makes his way down to the ring pulling out all of his poses and his back as he goes.  He makes the crowd settle down before telling us about his plans for the night, which involve a group of matches to determine a new #1 contender for the TNA title.  Bully is out of the equation due to an injury he suffered last week, so it boils down to these brave few to fight for the right to lose to Jeff Hardy at Lockdown.

Camera fail.  Also is that Daniels next to Sting?
Hogan isn't done though as he also brings out his wrestling bum chum Sting.  Sting tells the marks that he has a team picked already for his match against the Aces and eights at Lockdown and he is ready for 'em.  Apparently the Aces challenged Sting to a team match at the pay per view, which would have been useful to have seen on screen and not on twitter, the website or facebook.  I mean why make match announcements off camera?  Not every fan is interested in downloading your app, liking on facebook, following on twitter or even bothered to read the shite posted on the website.  Tell us on screen what is going on and let the die hard fans learn all the tertiary information from these other sources.

Singles Match - Christopher Daniels VS Magnus

Round two of the Magnus against Daniels mini feud here as we get a proper match instead of a brawl.  This match is the first of four to determine the new #1 contender, although winning doesn't guarantee a title shot, it only guarantees that you will be put into Hogans maybe pile.  Anyway the match is pretty good to be honest, at least for a filler match.  Kazarian gets banned from ringside during this fight which probably made a lot of AJ styles marks freak out and surprisingly Magnus wins the match.  He wins with a top rope elbow drop of all things, but it's a win none the less.

Bully and Brooke discuss their plans for the night now that he is injured and unable to continue taking part in this storyline.  This doesn't really go anywhere other than to show his face on screen.  My brother keeps asking why out of all the guys on the roster would Brooke go with Bully Ray?  I have to agree here since the two make for a very unlikely couple even for a wrestling show.  I guess he is one of the few guys to not mention he is married on camera so they plumped for him as a kayfabe hubby for Brooke, but it's still weird.

Singles Match - Samoa Joe VS Kurt Angle

Fear the mighty elbow drop!
A classic for TNA these days as both men work well together here.  The only real highlight of this match is the zero amount of selling both guys show.  Joe completely no sells the Olympic slam, while Angle brushes off the rear naked choke like he was cuddling him instead of choking him out.  The match is a complete waste though because both Brisco and Bischoff attack them in a desperate bid to remain relevant in TNA.  It doesn't work as many fans call security thinking two nutters just jumped the guardrail and attacked Joe and Angle.  I wish this was true obviously, but Brisco and Bischoff are both irrelevant to TNA as a product and only have jobs because of nepotism and famous family names.

We get more of this TNA on the road footage of the guys goofing around and talking in a mix of kayfabe and real life.  We see a few tryouts which seem to piss off D'lo enough to chuck them both out of the ring, but the thing that really interested me was the part with Sting.  Now the rest of the roster travel on a hire coach by the looks of things, since we have seen three separate segments with them travelling on this bus, but Sting doesn't travel by bus, no he travels via chauffeur driven hire car.  Now if that isn't favouritism I don't know what is.  Fuck the rest of the hard working roster and all the years they have ahead of them promoting your company, no instead give a fucking limo to an over the hill Crow impersonator who hasn't wrestled a good match since WCW.

Mixed Tag Match - Marty Scurll? & The Blossom Twins VS Gail Kim & Tara & Jessie

Just hug it out guys
Yeah so this match was a train wreck.  The Blossom twins have as much personality as draught excluders, Marty is like Jessie as another faceless mound of muscle wandering around the ring, doing little else except smile occasionally.  Gail and Tara do their best, although that isn't saying much when a majority of the knockouts matches suck balls anyway.  The end of this match is the most painful though, as Jessie completely balls up catching Marty during an outside dive and ends up twatting his head against the metal guardrail.  Marty is probably not going to be showing up on Impact again after that.  The Blossoms lose to Gail and the match ends with a whimper.

Singles Match - James Storm VS RVD

If I ever had to explain or show anyone the definition of a spot match, I would choose this.  RVD does nothing but spots.  He uses nearly every single signature move he has in under a minute and then some.  He looks gassed after this and Storm pretty much carries the match from then on.  Storm wins and the crowd still cheer for RVD.

Singles Match - Bobby Rooo VS Austin Aries

These two continue their comedy bad guy act as both men try to get the other to re-enact the finger poke of doom.  Eventually the two of them start to fight culminating in both trying to convince the ref that they each got a chair shot from the other man.  Eventually this entertaining segment is spoiled by the arrival of Chavo and Hern who promptly get them both counted out.
Marty goes for the deadly top rope toe stomp

This also means that only two of the four matches resulted in a winner, and out of those you have a choice of Magnus and Storm.  Magnus won't be picked since professional wrestling in the U.S. hates foreigners as champions, especially British wrestlers (see British Bulldog) so the obvious choice will be Storm as the new #1 contender.

The finale is that of Hogan once again slowly making his way to the ring to announce the new #1 contender.  He is interrupted before he gets a chance to speak by the Aces and eights who are pissed at not having a shot at the #1 spot.  They surround the ring and wait for patiently for Bully ray to show up with a chain.  The aces back off and leave the arena.  Yes the aces and eights who outnumber Hogan and Bully 3 to 1 are afraid of an injured man with a chain and a wrestling dinosaur with back problems.  Fear the aces and eights folks, fear them!

See you next week.


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