Monday, 11 February 2013

TNA Review 10th February 2013


So tonight we are in the industrial wasteland known as Manchester, home to a marginally successful football team or two and proud holders of the record for most teen pregnancies in the north west....probably.

Anyway arsehole and eights open the show with a show of force.  They all crowd the ring with their latest bum chums Wes Brisco and Garrett Bischoff.  Devon tries to big them up but it doesn't really go over and when both Brisco and Bischoff attempt to run a heel promo they get buried by the crowd.  The chants of "who are ya!" pretty much sum up the quality of these two.  Bischoff is seen as a daddy's boy who got a job via nepotism, while Wes seems as interesting as signpost restoration in Bristol.

Brisco is about as over as Tugboat and has half the charisma
Backstage Tara and Jessie go to see Brooke Hogan to discuss their match tonight.  Brooke actually comes across as an authority figure, which is pretty unexpected.  She tells Tara she will be facing Tessmacher tonight but Jessie is banned from ringside.  Wow something the babyface GM's should have been doing from the start.  Jessie is pissed and wants to know what he is supposed to do instead.  Brooke pretty much tells him to do whatever he wants, so even kayfabe he is about as over as the Shockmaster.

X-Division Triple Threat Match - Kenny King VS Zema Ion VS RVD

This match is for the title since they can't have their champion over here due to his drug convictions.  The match is pretty good though.  Plenty of high spots, triple moves and spots, but it's entertaining.  I don't get why they have this massive ramp that sits against the ring because it hinders this type of match.  RVD wins again after King takes out Zema, and Rob frog splashes them both.

Backstage we get a typical TNA style hidden camera spot with prichard and D'lo talking about how shocking it is that Brisco and Bischoff have joined the Aces.  Really?  My brother called this turn the second they joined with Angle to face the Aces.  Brisco obviously wasn't making as big a splash as they had wanted so they opted to drop him with their new version of NWO.

Isn't it interesting how obsessed TNA are with re imagining the NWO?  First they have Immortal which did the same thing as NWO and now we have the aces and eights, another group of rule breakers intent on owning the company and running rough shot over everyone who gets in their way.  Give it another month or two and Hogan will announce he was a member all along.

Jessie starts in the ring next as he prepares to give everyone a 5 second photo opportunity.  Hmmm what does this remind me of?  Oh yeah Edge and Christian.  The crowd also bury Jessie with a mix of "you can't wrestle" and "who are ya" chants.  Both are very fitting.  James Storm interrupts him and challenges him to a match.  I guess this is managements attempt at getting Jessie over by having him face Storm.

Singles Match - Jessie VS James Storm

This isn't really a match to be honest, more of a squash.  Jessie gets very little to do other than stand around and be pummelled by Storm.  Storm celebrates post match Stone cold style completing the attitude era knock off section of the show.

We see more footage of the wrestlers as they move between locations.  Daniels, Kazarian and Magnus have a pretty funny segment about using their passports as they move between countries and this seems like the most "real" piece of the segment.  Zema Ion is worried about running out of Euros, even though he should be more worried about not having pounds for when he enters the UK.  D'lo talks about the stresses of being a road agent on a big international tour and the challenges he faces.

To be honest knowing Hernandez's record I would be scared to
And then we have RVD.  You know I used to like this guy, but recently he has come across as a massive prick, no more evident here than his stoned rant here.  He talks about how everywhere he goes he sees people celebrating American culture.  Sure American cinema and TV has become huge across the world, but the culture?  Bollywood makes more movies than Hollywood each year, and make just as much money within their own country alone.  Chinese cinema is huge in the far east with a growing foreign interest.  Music is something America struggles with because Britain produces just as many big international bands as America.  He just talks utter shit and comes across as the stereotypical American who thinks the United States are the world leader in everything.

Tag Team Title Match - Bobby Roo & Austin Aries VS Chavo Guerrero & Hernandez

This match is good and finally ends the most boring tag reign in TNA history of Chavo and Hernandez.  Really they dropped the ball with Chavo who can run good matches on his own, but they have just let him languish in the tag division and will likely drop him in the next few months because he didn't make them a shitload of money.  Also I like that Aries and Roo won, but I can't help but think that they are just a weak knock off of Team Hell No!

Knockouts Match - Tessmacher VS Tara

It happened.  There where some ladies who did OK wrestling moves.  One of the won.  Match was OK.  Nothing else of interest happened.  Tara as champion is really really boring.

I don't know why this photo made it to Impact website
Next we are introduced to the winner of the British boot camp rockstar Spud.  Yeah the spud name is really bad.  This guy is fucking minuscule and will never win a fucking thing in TNA because you need to be as tall as Hogan to be a champion folks.  Anyway Spud runs a promo until Robbie E interrupts him.  Robbie E makes light of his height and then uses Robbie T as a shield to protect himself from being punched in the face.  Robbie T gets fed up of this and moves allowing Spud to lap Robbie E.  Big Rob and Spud then dance in the ring, it is fucking terrible.

We have a hilarious lie about Hardy needing and MRI on his leg.  Could you imagine TNA forking out the money for a real MRI scan on their talent?  Jesus I am surprised their talent have money to pay bills let alone their own medical bills.  Anyway as we know Hardy isn't injured, it's his past DRUG CONVICTIONS that prevent him from entering the UK and Republic of Ireland.  Not sure about anywhere else, but hey that doesn't stop TNA from advertising him for over a year here in the UK in full knowledge that he wouldn't be allowed entry.  I feel sorry for you poor people who bought tickets to see Hardy.

Tag Tables Match - D.O.C & Devon VS Sting & Bully Ray
OLD MAN WRESTLING! OLD MAN WRESTLING!

This match is pretty clear but and by the numbers but I have to mention that Bully Ray actually Hulks out 1980's style and wins the match using ALL of Hulks moves including the big boot to win.  So does that mean that anyone related to Hulk or has his hall of fame ring can actually channel the power of Hulkamania?  What kind of crazy shit is that?

Anyway the show was better than the London one for wrestling.  The story is still batshit insane though and will only get worse from here on I imagine.  See you next week.

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