Tuesday, 29 January 2013

TNA Review 28th January 2013


Sorry about this one being a day later than usual, but I did a very rare thing by paying to watch a WWE pay per view.  The Royal Rumble was pretty good although short and the end was a bit wank, but Jericho was awesome and the match actually had a lot of people in the ring, so the match was at least good to watch.

Marvel at the near spherical man!
TNA took a backseat that Sunday so I only watched it yesterday and frankly I wish I hadn't.  Like any TNA episode it sucked utter balls.  The wedding is recapped first, but this time the camera angle focuses on the ring and not on Brooke Hogans tits which are desperately trying to escape from her low cut dress.

Before the show starts we see the aces celebrating in the parking lot.  There are now 50 of the fuckers and then the show starts.  I'm not sure what this was for, I mean it's not like we haven't seen the aces celebrate before and was it entirely necessary to see them celebrating after last weeks show?  The next segment is the aces then hitting the ring in force.  Taz has become a full member now wearing biker gear like the rest of them.  Unfortunately for Taz this gear emphasises his physical gains even more, pretty soon the guy is going to be entirely spherical.

Taz explains to us why he joined the Aces.  Sorry scratch that he doesn't tell us why actually, instead he says he joined because of the opportunity they presented.  He doesn't say what this opportunity is exactly.  Is it the hookers? beer? extra money? we don't know.  I don't think Taz knows either to be fair.  His final statement is the old tired wrestling plot point of him being untouchable and anyone who lays a finger on him would result in him being able to sue the hell out of TNA.  Why any company would give a contract like that to someone who is signing up to be an announcer is beyond me.  Obviously kayfabe says one thing, while logic says another. 

We see some backstage stuff of Kaz and Daniels as they prepare for tonight's title match that Hardy won't lose.  Kazarian is now a "manager extraordinaire" now according to his card.  These two really have improved over the months since becoming a more light hearted heel team compared to their more sinister actions in the Claire Lynch plot, which made them incredibly annoying.

Knockouts Title Match - Velvet Sky VS Tara
Velvet points out the stupidity of the booking

This was exactly the same as all the other Tara matches in the last few months.  She gets her ass kicked by the babyface and looks like she is going to drop the strap, until Jessie cheats on her behalf and she wins the match.  Velvet wrestles like shit tonight which doesn't help and with her losing due to the aforementioned cheating, her babyface return push has been lost completely.  Why bring her back and make her look unstoppable to simply have her lose in such a predictable pointless way?  TNA always do this with heel knockouts champs.  They have them win match after match after match through cheating and other means until you just don't give a shit about the title anymore.  It's pointless to cheer the babyface because they always lose and the only time they drop it, is for a babyface to keep it warm for the next heel character to win off them in a heartbeat and restart the cycle.

Let's look at the recent trend.  Madison Rayne wins the title from Mickie James with the help of Tara.  Madison holds the title for what feels like a century before dropping it to Velvet Sky.  Velvet holds the belt for maybe 3 weeks before Gail kim returns and easily wins it from Velvet.  Gail then holds the title for another century with the aid of Madison and Karen Jarret until she finally drops it to Tessmacher.  Tessmacher holds it for around a month before losing it to Tara, who then holds the belt probably going into March or April.  Heel knockouts hold the belt for an age before it ever switches, and it is never through being a tough competitor, it is always through ringside interference or blatant cheating.  Why do people take heels seriously anymore?

TNA show us a behind the scenes video of their Valentines commercial.  They apparently don't want to spoil it for the fans, but end up showing every single costume the girls wear and most of the video anyway, wasting theirs and our time in the process.

CANNONBALL!
Joseph Park comes down to the ring to waste more time by informing the gormless twats in attendance that he will be challenging someone at next weeks open fight night in the UK.  Since this is pretaped this has already happened.  Park has little else to say other than how wrestling has been his calling and how thankful he is, blah blah blah, no one fucking cares Park.  Just go back to being Abyss so we can see TNA ripoff WWE some more.

Tag Match - Zema Ion & Kenny King VS RVD & Christian York

If you still needed proof that Kenny King was now a heel this should be it, since he is tagging with a heel.  This match starts out a little slow and awkward, but picks up and becomes pretty enjoyable toward the middle and end points.  What is especially shocking is that the heels win without cheating for a change, actually putting over the bad guy as a threat for once.

Kurt Angle makes a return backstage for no other reason than to say "Hi".  TNA keep bringing Kurt back even when he is injured and cannot wrestle a full match.  Honestly TNA, Angle isn't your biggest draw anymore and hasn't been for the last 5 years if not more.  Basically he is back to send a message to the Aces and eights, and I am wondering now why the writers haven't just had Sting, Angle, Joe, Brisco, Bischoff, Bully, Hogan and James Storm all form together to face the aces instead of fighting them in separate story lines?

Probability of injuring Roo: 96%
Bully Ray and Brooke hit the ring next to discuss the wedding fiasco.  Well Bully does anyway, Brooke just remains mute for the entire segment.  Bully promises to get revenge on the aces, how he wants to get his hands on Taz and how the Aces will need to sleep with one eye open from now on.  Sting comes out to join Bully and demand that Hogan reinstate Bully full time next week at open fight night.  All this is pretty obvious really, and I wouldn't be surprised if they decided to have Sting or Hogan be a secret member of the aces all along, but maybe that is to predictable even for TNA.

A weird segment next.  Aries and Roo discuss who will handle who in their match tonight.  Aries suggests Bobby Roo should fight Hernandez because he is the power guy and Aries can clean up.  While Roo suggests that Aries should handle Hernandez because he is more athletic and skilled, while Rooo handles Chavo.  This all seems to suggest a tag match, which isn't silly because they got into a fight with Chavo and Hern last week.  But no apparently the match tonight is a singles match against Hernandez, so why were they talking about it like a tag match?

Singles Match - Bobby Rooo VS Hernandez

And so yes it's a singles match despite the build backstage of it being a tag match.  The match is OK for a Hernandez match, which is to say he didn't accidentally injure someone this time.  Rooo picks up the W after Aries gives an assist.

This is probably the face Angle makes when he err "finishes"
Angle finishes the talking segments of the night by challenging Mr.Anderson to a match at open fight night next week.  Anderson comes out to face Angle face to face and tells him he doesn't want to fight him next, he wants to fight him now.  Anderson attacks Angle and runs off.  Angle then promises that Anderson will be on his own next week because his match is a cage match.  Big fucking deal Angle, it's not like they could bring bolt cutters to the ring and open the door that way now is it?  Since they don't follow the rules an' all.  Angle....Angle is any of this getting through to you?

World Heavyweight Title Match - Jeff Hardy VS Christopher Daniels

This man will NOT be winning tonight
There isn't any need to describe this match because it is obvious how it will end.  Jeff Hardy wins like he always does because TNA are shit scared he will leave when his contract is up.  They think that by giving him everything he wants he will stay and it may work, but really this is how you are handling your contract negotiations?  The truth is that IF Jeff left TNA and tried to run one more time with WWE, he would turned down by them.  He is too old, too broken down and too much of a liability to hire now.  They can't take him abroad since he has a drug trafficking record and nowadays his popularity in WWE is nothing compared to guys like Punk, Cena, Alberto Del Rio, Dolph Ziggler and The Miz.

Sure there may still be some Hardy fans who would follow him to WWE, but really he isn't a massive draw and never was to be honest.  He was a teen heartthrob when he was younger and his more ridiculous stunts earned him some points, but his wrestling skills are weak.  He trots out the same moves every single match and does little to mix up his wrestling style.

Anyway the night ends with Hardy being attacked with a hammer from behind thus injuring him so he cannot make the UK tour.  The truth being that over here in the UK if you have dealt drugs or have been convicted of drug smuggling, you are banned from entering.  What a great role model Jeff Hardy is hey wrestling fans?  What a fucking loser, to be that famous and still ends up hoarding drugs until he was busted, fuck him and fuck TNA.

See you next week.

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