Monday, 14 January 2013

TNA Review 13th January 2013

So we kick tonight's episode off with Sting now backed by his new cronies, consisting of Kurt Angle and Samoa Joe.  Sting refers to Angle as "shooter" and Joe as "killer".  Sting has a name for his bat but I kept thinking he was referencing his dick so I forget the name.  I understand Joe's nickname of killer, but why is Angle called shooter?  Because of his wrestling style?  Why not call him cyborg like everyone else?  Anyway they run babyface promos about kicking aces and eights ass before Angle demands Anderson show his face to explain why he is considering joining the Aces.

Old Man Wrestling!
Anderson shows up and explains that at least the aces have his back unlike Sting who allowed Anderson to be beaten up prior to the tag match with Sting.  Anderson is right in this case and somehow TNA have made the heel the sympathetic party, well done TNA.  Angle acts like a dick by telling Anderson that he is either with them or he will kick his ass.  Anderson faces up to Angle and gets punched for it.  So once again the babyfaces look like dicks while the heels come off looking sympathetic.  Honestly why does every babyface in TNA have to act like a total prick to everyone?  Even potential allies?

In the backstage parking area the TNA camera team ambush Brooke Hogan to ask what she is planning for tonight.  She promises that Hulk will be forced to talk to her tonight.  Oh goody another pointless mini episode of Hogan knows best.  This is all the show has become now, an excuse for Hogan to involve his family in the main storylines.

X-Division Tournament Match - Zema Ion VS Kenny king

Zema doesn't get an entrance so he has lost before the match has started.  King is a heel here but because he is against a heel the crowd cheer for him anyway.  This is still a good match, but the fucking camera team keep getting in the way.  Zema hits the same camera twice because he keeps trying to get into the ring basically.  There is a pretty scary moment where Zema drops Kenny on his head almost putting two wrestlers on the shelf, but King wins in the end with two pretty nasty looking moves.  I think king hit him for real with a double front dropkick as punishment.
This looked like it hurt

Next up is a mixed tag match between Tara and Jessie against Robbie E.  Robbie begs Tessmacher to tag with him, but she wants none of it.  She then decides to partner with Robbie T since he won the *sigh* bro off last week.

Mixed Tag Match - Tara & Jessie Godderz VS Robbie T & Miss Tessmacher

This match is a total squash where Robbie T destroys Jessie.  Post match Robbie begins his terrible bro off dance.  Tess is really impressed by this emphasising her clear lack of taste and dances with him.  Robbie E looks stunned by this and then even more so when Robbie T kisses Tess, leaving her unconscious in the ring.

Gut Check Match - Brian Cage VS Jay Bradley

Bradley is a good heel in this match as he constantly works the dickish heel angle, while Cage lacks the charisma but does put on some good flashy moves.  Bradley wins which was a surprise in a good way.  The crowd chanted more for these guys than the previous matches which highlights the boredom even long term fans are suffering from when a one off match between two new guys gets the entire building cheering.

Meanwhile the aces and eights continue to party like they have won something major.  Anderson is pissed with his previous treatment earlier.  The aces hold a meeting where Mike Knox is told he will have to prove himself tonight like DOC had to weeks prior.  I find it funny how Knox is still a prospect after so long, how long does it take to become a full member of this fucking gang?
Flashy but ultimately futile

Joseph Park returns to annoy us some more with his goofy lawyer character.  How did Park win any lawsuits when he is this timid and lacking in any balls?  Anyway he asks that Hogan come out to give him the OK to wrestle the Aces.  Hogan comes out to bitch at park about all the work he has to do backstage.  Park badgers him repeatedly until Hogan eventually gives in and allows him to fight at Genesis. 

Brooke then appears on the big screen to tell Hogan not to go anywhere, and then walks out.  This means she was just behind the curtain anyway so why did she take the time to get a camera feed for the arena in the first place?  Anyway she heads down to the ring and takes a long time to basically ask if Bully can come back.  Hogan says no and walks off making this entire segment pointless and annoying at the same freaking time, I HATE THIS SHOW!

Backstage Aries and Rooo have become the new team hell no.  Really they have.  They argue like Kane and Daniel Bryan and give them time they will shouting "I'm the world heavyweight champion!" at each other.  TNA have been blatant about their ripping off of WWE ideas, but this may as well have played a clip of Kane and Bryan beforehand.

Tag Team Match - Austin Aries & Bobby Rooo VS James Storm & Jeff Hardy

I love how they keep using James Storm in the main event when he isn't getting a sniff of the title.  He is very over with the fans and has plenty of talent to back up his reputation, but as long as Hardy is around TNA will pass over homegrown talent for the WWE rejects.  The match is very plain really.  Sure it gets the crowd going and everyone chants for Jeff, but honestly it isn't anything special.  Kaz and Daniels distract and attack Storm thus setting him to fight one of them at genesis while Aries for some odd reason attacks Hardy with the belt, despite the 2 on 1 advantage.

They beat down Hardy and both fight over the belt before once again acting like team hell no.  All of this means nothing since Hardy will be retaining his title anyway to keep Hardy happy with management.

He didn't need to hit him with the belt, they had the advantage
This next bit confused the fuck out of me.  Morgan and Ryan prepare to run a promo to camera about their upcoming tag title match with Chavo and Hernandez.  Then Chavo and Hern attack them from behind and a brawl ensues.  The weirdest bit though is when Chavo drags Hernandez away shouting "save it for Sunday".  What the fuck?!  you attacked them!  That makes no sense whatsoever.

Singles Match - Mr. Anderson VS Kurt Angle

This match doesn't happen in the end as Anderson dicks around until Angle has his back turned.  Mike Knox hits Angle with a rubber hammer and lays him out.  Angles buddies turn up too late to help and the aces support Knox.  Sting eventually waddles his old ass out to the ring and challenges Knox to a match.  Both parties leave the arena and Knox is pushed into a short match in which Sting flattens Knox.

Sting then hits Knox with a hammer and the Aces return, this time with Brooke as a hostage.  Hilariously though they fail to keep their hostage for anything more than 3 minutes as Bully Ray attacks them and takes Brooke away.  The aces really showed how much of a threat they were today by completely failing to achieve anything of worth.

Bully VS Hogan I call it now and it will SUUUUUCCCKKK
The cherry on this turd sandwich is when Bully Ray proposes marriage to Brooke and wants the ceremony the following week.  Hogan becomes so furious he stands there and pouts a lot while Brooke accepts.  Sting just has his mouth hanging open the entire time like a moron.  If this goes to a Bully Ray VS Hulk Hogan pay per view match I will personally hunt down the writing staff and dunk their heads in shit for making us suffer ANOTHER Hulk Hogan match in the 2000's.

Good matches overall, but some diabolically bad writing and dumb decisions undercuts the hard work in the ring.


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