Monday, 31 December 2012

TNA Review 20th December 2012

Well today is the final impact show of 2012, it's been an interesting ride with low points and very low points for TNA.  I think it's greatest success of 2012 was it's wembley shows over here in the UK where they drew a respectable attendance, but aside from that it's been a pretty terrible year.  Recent statistics show a year on year drop in ratings for the show and PPV attendance has dropped significantly this year compared to 2011.  2013 could be a better year for the company, but with it's lawsuit still ongoing with WWE amongst others, the continued influence of Hogan and Bischoff who seem to running the show like WCW lite and the low pay contracts the talent are under things are going to be rough.

But hey that's 2013 this year hasn't finished yet and what better way to end it is there then to have Bully Ray kickoff the show.....with a talking segment......fuck sake TNA.  Yes Bully ray comes out not to fight, but to talk.  Specifically to Hulk Hogan who has been ignoring him and Brooke apparently since he saw them locking tongues last week in the parking area.  Hogan obviously doesn't show because the Hulkster is too busy opening a new beachfront restaurant so he isn't on this final episode.  Brooke Hogan shows up though to tell him that "he knows about us" which seems to baffle Bully.  Seriously they act like they have been really careful and there could be no way Hulk would know, except you know for that ending last week.  Do they not watch their own show?  You think in kayfabe land they would watch their matches or see what everyone has been doing on the program.  Anyway this revelation of stupid pisses Bully off so much he stomps backstage.

The crowd boo this segment because both of them talk without the mic anywhere near their mouths so it's impossible to here them sometimes.  I don't blame the audience being annoyed here, even for impact fans, since you are there to be entertained and you cannot hear a thing they are saying.

The next segment isn't much different.  Austin Aries comes out to challenge Bobby Roo for last weeks interference that cost him the title.  But oh no we won't get a match now on open fight night, no.  He self appoints his match to be the main event of the evening despite not having that kind of authority.  I would imagine it would fall to guys like Al Snow and Bruce Prichard, but hey who cares right?  So basically Aries wastes more time talking about a match he was going to have anyway since he had already given himself the main event slot.  It's not like he says anything of interest or importance, he simply runs a heel style promo against a heel.  Obviously the fans don't give a fuck because watching 2 heels beat the crap out of each other, would be like watching the Nazi's fighting the KKK.  You want to see them beaten up, but it's something you would start to cheer for.

Singles Match - Samoa Joe VS Masked Aces member #2233465

Management remembered that Samoa Joe is fucking awesome as a wrestler and decide to throw him in a match against a random aces and eights member.  He calls out the one who hits people from behind, which isn't that descriptive since they all do that.  He does promise though to reveal who is under the mask when he chokes them out like a little bitch.  The match itself is decent, although Joe pretty much destroys the guy.  He wins via chokehold and then takes nine hours to even begin to remove the mask.  By this time of course the other aces members rush the ring and save their buddy, making this from a plot perspective a waste or time, but at least it was some wrestling on a wrestling show at last.

So we head backstage for the first of the nights pretaped segments.  The two Robbie's bump into Jessie Godderz who seem to get into a pointless argument that has no reason to be happening other than they saw each other.  I mean what reason is there for these two to dislike one another?  Sure they argued in a triple threat match when facing Eric Young, but that was it.  Are they seriously building a comedy rivalry from that?  Anyway Robbie E and Jessie exchange purposefully idiotic insults, (getting things wrong, saying stupid stuff) before Robbie E challenges Jessie to a "bro off" I shit you not.  Yes this week on impact WRESTLING! we can expect a fucking bro off, whatever the hell that is.  And people say WWE does some dumb shit, but really a both companies are as bad as each other when writing so called comedy.  As Galvatron says:

Also backstage we see Kenny King continue to act as a douche, this time to Christian York who he sees as a rookie compared to him.  I find this weird since York is older than him and has likely been wrestling longer if not the same amount of time as King. 

We go back to the arena where the "bro off" is set to begin.  Jesus this is going to be terrible. Sure enough it is.  The rules are that all sentences end in bro and you hog the spotlight.  Provided it was dude instead I think Hogan could win any bro off hands down by those rules.  Anyway they dance....sort of and show off their muscles.  Jessie loses by saying dude instead of bro and Robbie E celebrates.  Unfortunately for him Robbie T wants a shot at the bro off title and then poses a bit and does 1 handed push-ups.  This apparently makes him the winner and this awful segment can end at last.

I just don't why they do these kind of things in wrestling shows when the writing and dialogue are terrible.  Most wrestling fans aren't in the building to watch a comedian anyway, they are there to watch professional wrestling.

Singles Match - RVD VS Christian York

At last another match.  Crap it's RVD.  Oh good it's Christian York.  That's what I felt as it played out.  I expected Kenny King again but I guess they want to slowly push his turn to the dark side.  Knowing TNA King won't turn heel for a year anyway with how slowly they build their shows.  Anyway this match could have been good had RVD not been old, lacking in stamina and have absolutely no pace at all.  He fucks up the momentum a few times and York carries the entire match.  Of course York loses keeping his losing streak solid.  I guess York will just job for his TNA career, a real shame to be honest considering his work in the ring.

In the aces and eights clubhouse, Devon discusses bringing in a new member of the gang, which later turns out to be Mr.Anderson.  Anderson seems unsure about joining until a couple of women are draped around him and he seems a little more cooperative.  I still think Anderson will tell them shove it though.  Also where the fuck has Anderson been all this time?

Christopher Daniels comes out next to talk about how 2012 has been an awesome year for him after finally ridding himself of AJ Styles.  He does however promise the fans a final, final match against AJ so calls out his nemesis.  This obviously turns out to be Kazarian who does a pretty good impression of AJ, right down to his mannerisms for his entrance.  Daniels further mocks him and the two go back and forth taking the piss out of AJ.  Their fun is ruined when Chavo and big Hern arrive, because fuck it the writers haven't been doing anything else with them.  Chavo challenges them to a tag match because......erm yeah anyway WRESTLING!

Tag Match -Christopher Daniels & Kazarian VS Chavo Guerrero & Hernandez

This was a good match really, not much else to say.  The ref does all the usual TNA ref stuff, like not caring when the heels cheat right in front of him, but being immediately distracted by the babyface tag partner farting.  Either way Chavo and Hern win an otherwise good match.  I still feel that TNA are missing a good opportunity to utilise Chavo in the main plotline since he is a good wrestler and is still in good shape.

Knockouts Singles Match - Gail Kim VS Brooke Tessmacher

Gail decides that now after a couple months that it is time to get revenge on Tess for taking her title.  I don't get it myself, but an excuse for a match it will do.  Again this match is good for a knockouts fight.  Gail wins like she should considering her experience compared to Tess. 

Singles Match - Austin Aries VS Bobby ROOOOOOOOO

Yes the main event is here and we are set to see two of the biggest heels in the company go at it.  Again the crowd are a little confused about this setup.  Jeff Hardy is in the audience and brings his telepathy camera with him, because we can hear his thoughts, live in the impact zone.  He is in the crowd and we can hear his thoughts, what the fuck are they doing?  This idea must have been Jeff's because I can't even imagine the TNA writing staff coming up with this dumb an idea.  The match is what you would expect from two of the best TNA has to offer.  Aries and Rooo eventually tire of the ref and kick his ass, throwing out of the ring, which allows Hardy to KO them both from behind to end the show.

Overall this episode was good for wrestling, but was full of dumb story and writing decisions.  The Bully ray bit at the beginning didn't need to be done in the arena and went nowhere.  The Austin Aries announcement of a main even match was unnecessary and the bro off was fucking retarded.  2013 isn't going to be any better folks, in fact it's likely to be worse.


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