Monday, 17 December 2012

TNA Review 16th December 2012

So post Final Resolution and the pain continues.  This episode we see the continuation of the Hogan, Hogan and Ray triangle.  Aries master plan and the aces and eights involvement in randomly attacking people.

The show starts off again like the old days of 2012 with Bobby Rooo coming out to bore the crap out of us.  He starts bitching about having a deal with the aces and eights and how they should have taken out Hardy and not him.  Eventually the aces arrive and I am not making this up, Devon actually says that they were paid off by another party who outbid Rooo, and when Rooo asks who it was, Devon has the temerity to say "we don't reveal the identity of their clients".  What the fuck?  On the impact prior to Final resolution the entire aces and eights pointed out that Roo was the one who paid them to attack Hardy.  But now apparently they won't reveal their benefactors identity, what a crock of shit.

Roo seems confused that other bad guys would betray him
Anyway they move to attack Roo who is rescued by Hardy and Storm.  Why didn't they just let the heel get his ass kicked and then attack the aces?  It's not like Rooo sticks around to help them anyway.  This results in a tag match apparently for the main event.  I don't know who is scheduling these matches since Hogan hasn't been in the ringside area long enough recently to set any matches for weeks.

Backstage Velvet Sky shows off her new ring attire which is certainly better than her old stuff.  She mentions letting the pigeons loose again which still baffles me.  What does that mean exactly?  Does she keep pigeons in her vagina?  What are the pigeons a metaphor for?  Other than the obvious idea that Taz is wanking under the desk which is pretty disturbing but not too unbelievable.

Singles Knockout Match - Madison Rayne VS Velvet Sky

Velvet takes a look at all the empty seats
Oh yeah and Madison is back.  Apparently TNA couldn't give a crap about her being missing for weeks on end and dropping the earl hebner story like a bad habit.  Not like it matters much because she is there to job to Velvet anyway.  The match is alright but not exactly great.  Velvet gets beat up for a few minutes then wins like Cena by pulling 5 moves out of her ass and no selling her previous beating.

Backstage Kaz and Daniels are questioned about being involved in the Bobby roo beatdown at Final resolution and if you believe they did for even a second you're an idiot.  They deny it and move on ending a pointless segment.

Tag Team Match - The Robbie's VS Baby Bischoff & Wes Brisco

Another shit match that highlights Wes and Garrett's lack of talent as wrestlers.  Wes looks like he was dropped on his head at birth and Garrett is so lacking in charisma you would mistake him for a department store mannequin.  Of course these two Muppet's beat the Robbie's to put them over because clearly management think these guys will shit gold later in their careers.

The one upside to this match is that during the celebrations a member of aces and eights takes out Angle with a pipe injuring further injuring his knee.

We are then "treated" to a video of Joseph Parks attending his first day at OVW.  He tells us that OVW is the best one of the bunch after researching all the other wrestling schools.  First this is wrong because Hulk told him to go to OVW weeks back so why would he research a school he was told to attend by Hogan?  Secondly it was Park who was talking about going to OVW a week before Hogan told him to so the decision had already been made clearly.  Anyway the video is supposed to be funny but just sucks ass ending in Park throwing up in a bin after being forced to do a single push-up.

Back in Brooke Hogans office (which I think is Hulks also) Tara attempts to pick her own opponent for championship Thursday to help Brooke during her stressful time.  Brooke tells her to jump and tells Jessie to out more socks in his shorts.  I find it funny that they are pretending that Jessie Godderz is so famous that he hangs out with all these A-list celebs because he was on the American big brother, so they name drop every five seconds.  I really hope one of these celebrities hears about this and threatens TNA with legal action.

Tag Team Match - Jeff Hardy & James Storm VS Aces and eights

DOC may need some new teeth after that kick
This match just played like a typical tag match with Hardy being the babyface in distress.  My problem with these matches is that the winner is always the team that has the member in distress, so in this case the faces will win.  True to form Storm gets tagged in and the aces get squashed.  Hardy and Storm win, which then causes Devon to break his less than an hour old rule and reveal that Austin Aries was the one who hired them to ruin Roo's chances at winning the title.  Wow nice one Devon, way to stick to your gang rules there.

Backstage this causes Hogan to act like he lost his meds and demands Aries be brought before him, like he is some kind of king demanding a serf be brought to him.  Hulk pretends Aries called him and has a conversation with himself.  Bobby Roo turns up jumping and shouting like a kid with a sugar rush all the while demanding retribution.  Apparently Aries will tell all later in the night.

AJ Styles hits the ring next to talk about his incredibly shitty year.  His rambling boils down to HEEL TURN!  He says he is now only looking out for one guy, namely AJ Styles while promising a better year come 2013.  He bumps into Dixie backstage who delivers the line "what is wrong with you?" so badly it makes Prince of Space look well acted.  To be fair to the production team, they could have done a thousand takes and it would have been progressively worse with each take so the first would be the best of the bunch.

Singles Match - RVD VS Kenny King

A brief note here, Kenny King has only just been added to the roster page despite signing with TNA months ago.

Kenny King isn't going to be caught out by Prichards low pay contracts
This match was like their match at the PPV.  RVD is gassed in under 2 minutes and King carries the entire match.  The crowd really hate King during this match and hate him even more when he wins.  RVD looks shocked and I wonder why they didn't just have King win at the pay per view since they had him win here.  Prior to this match RVD claims to have pioneered this style of wrestling which is complete bullshit.

Bully Ray once again confronts Hogan about his attitude toward him.  Ray defends himself pretty well here against Hogans accusations and really he verbally owns Hogan during this segment even calling him Terry which was funny.  Hogan calls Bully weak after he leaves because of course Hogan has to have the last word on camera.

Singles Match - Jessie Godderz VS Bully Ray

A weird main event here and one that features a shitty big brother contestant turned wrestler.  Bully slaps Jessie so hard in this match I wouldn't be surprised to learn that this was some sort of right of passage from the locker room.  He does this twice by the way and Jessie looks like shit afterward.  Bully eventually wins after a brief comeback from Jessie, but there is no fucking way Bully Ray is going to lose to Jessie Godderz.

Bully decides that a tea bagging is in order here post match
Aries finishes off the night explaining his reasons for hiring the aces and eights.  Guess what it's all the same shit he said weeks earlier.  He blames Hogan for the ladder match stipulation and how he made it an uphill struggle for him to keep his title.  He wants a match against Hardy on his terms which brings out the charismatic enabler.  Hardy offers Aries a match next week at championship Thursday which Aries turns down on the grounds that he will pick the time.  What a dumb fucking writing decision this was, but hey it's TNA whats new.  Hardy ends the night by kicking Aries ass and wearing a pink zip hoodie.

Post final resolution the show continues to move along at snails pace.  new stories are unlikely to crop up and expect the AJ and Daniels feud to spill over into 2013 since they have nothing better for him to do.  Overall this was a sucky episode.


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