Monday, 19 November 2012

TNA Review 18th November 2012

So Turning Point was a high spot for TNA.  They hit the right notes and produced a pay per view that wasn't awful to watch and was actually entertaining in part, which proves that when TNA want to do a show that is just about wrestling they can do it.  Unfortunately this week we are back to stupid land for another round impact.  I don't understand how TNA aren't capitalising off the back of a good pay per view, but is it really that surprising anymore?  Bischoff and Hogan did the same thing with WCW back in the 90's when they lost the monday night wars.
Want a beer Brau?

The show starts with James Storm coming down to the ring.  Impact looks to have switched to a three man commentary team consisting of new guy, Tenay and Taz.  I guess Borash wasn't good enough to make the cut.  Also I imagine Tenay and Taz were bitching about not being on the show for the full 2 hours so Bischoff had to give in.  It's a shame really because as much as I dislike Borash he did a better job than Tenay or Taz any day.

Anyway Storm runs babyface promo thing where he starts a sentence normally but eventually ends it by shouting at the top of his voice.  He thanks the fans, his family and the naysayers for getting him to the top.  The way he goes on about his win you would think he has already won the title.  Also do you think James Storm would complain if management changed his name to Shawn Michaels?  I mean he has the same hat, finishing move, wrestling style and even some of his mannerisms down perfectly.  Imitation is the highest form flattery I guess.  While he thanks the world for his success, Bobby Rooo interrupts.  Obviously Roo is a little upset about losing and wants another shot at the #1 contender spot.  And what is his master plan you ask?  Well basically he uses school yard taunts.  Rooo says he will show his daughter a "good time" when she is 18 and Storm immediately accepts Roo's challenge for a #1 contenders match tonight.

So Storm is so easy to manipulate that if you said to him "Hey Storm buy me that 50" plasma TV" and he was reluctant, all have you have to say "What you ain't man enough to buy me that TV?!" and Storm would immediately buy it just to prove you wrong.  Because that is all Bobby just did.  "You don't want to give me a match? what you not man enough?"  Dumbass fucking writing on this show.  Why didn't they come up something more intelligent for Rooo to use as a means to get his #1 contenders match?  Making a deal with Hogan, blackmail or just a better argument entirely.

Backstage Hogan does a piece to camera shitting on AJ.  He says AJ brought all of this on himself and now he has to live with it.  This almost seems like a shoot because Hogan and AJ have never been close from what I have read.  AJ famously made the comment on camera about how much he would hate to see Hogan running TNA, and in the past AJ has made jokes about Impact being headlined by over the hill has been's like Sting.  No doubt Hogan took these things to heart since he isn't one to forgive despite his christian values, so AJ is fucked basically.  Brand loyalty has got him nothing in return since Bischoff and Hogan have taken over.

In the Aces club room Doc is informed by the club VP that they have taken a vote on whether or not he will become a full member.  I still find Doc being a prospect is a little weird.  He has been there from day one, you would have thought the Aces would invade TNA with fully fledged members to ensure no one went rogue and joined TNA to sell them out.  Well it doesn't matter anymore I guess since he will be added anyway now that his mask has been removed.  to round out the segment Devon picks a new target for the Aces.  The cameraman in these segments must be a member of the group because he always looks away from the dartboard.
RVD affectionately calls this the "tooth chipper" in honour of Abyss

X-Division Title Match - Kid Kash VS RVD

Yep we only had to wait 20 minutes freakin' minutes for a match tonight and was it worth it?  Hell no.  The match looked like it was dumped on these guys 5 minutes before hand.  It's slow, full of botches and has lots of awkwards spots as they each try to figure out what the other is doing.  Once they get into the home stretch of RVD winning then it settles down, but before that it's a mess.  RVD wins with a frog splash and the crowd remains relatively quiet throughout.

Backstage Eric Young and ODB discuss their dirty post match sex plans, well after EY mentions an alligator pissing on him which gives ODB the idea of golden showers.  Seriously they make that joke.  Anyway after this next match EY promises more of the same post match rumpy pumpy for ODB.  At least they seem to be enjoying the material they are working with here.

Also backstage is Angle who needs a partner for his tag match tonight with the aces and eights.  Wes Brisco who seems to be desperate for attention fron Kurt begs to be part of the team.  Kurt verbally bitch slaps Wes by picking Garret instead.  I guess they had to find some way of bringing baby Bischoff back into the fold.

Singles Match - Jessie Godderz VS Eric Young

This was the usual EY match in that he acts crazy throughout it, losing his wrestling shorts to reveal his patriotic speedo's to attempting a lock up with the referee.  Godderz has some of the worst entrance music I have heard from TNA to date which tells you a lot about how much TNA care about this new prospect.  The match itself is OK but thats it really.  Eric looks to be the clear winner, but after some confusion from both ODB and Tara who brawl ringside, Jessie picks up the win.  They had to give him a win eventually considering this is his third of fourth match with the company.

Looks like Magnus is getting some time off
In Hogans office Joseph Park wants ANOTHER match with the aces and eights.  We don't need to see a fourth Joseph Park match honestly we don't.  Fortunately Hogan says no with a captial F for fuck you brother, before ranting at Park about injured members of the roster due to attacks by the aces.  Unfortunately his rant seems to convince Joseph that he should attend wrestling school and come back then.  Hopefully he will come back as Abyss so we can end this stupid lawyer gimmick.

We were promised a television title match tonight, but sadly it turns out Magnus was the target of tonights attack by the aces and and eights.  Magnus gets utterly stomped and both his knees hit with a rubber hammer, which must be horrible to experience I'm sure.  Devon prepares to kill him, note there I said kill him, because he was ready to hit magnus on the top of the head with a baseball bat, until they get run off by Bully Ray.  The crew then have Magnus stretchered off.

So after that non match excitement we go backstage again to see Aries go into Jeff Hardy's dressing room to complain about losing the ladder match because Hardy had the advantage.  After making a few more comments about winning the next time they fight Aries leaves.  Then we hear Jeff's internal drug addled monologue again.  For a show that aims to be realistic as far as a wrestling company goes, why can their camera pickup his thoughts?  Is Hardy a psionist? 

Tag Match - Kurt Angle & Baby Bischoff VS Devon & Aces member #2211232

This match just....there.  Angle and Bischoff run a match that is pretty forgettable.  The match ends with Angle winning after the aces and Wes Brisco get involved causing a bunch of confusing moments which do nothing to elevate the match from boredom inducing.  The highlight was Angle kicking Hebner as he rolled out of the ring.

Backstage we are now lead to believe that Brooke Hogan and Bully Ray are knocking boots.  Wouldn't that fuck up Bully ray since it would be like fucking Hogan in drag?  She looks like her dad so it would just be weird. 

Knockouts Battle Royal - Madison Rayne VS Gail Kim VS Tessmacher VS ODB VS Mickie James

This was an OK match which sees the returning Mickie James win to become the new #1 contender for the Knockouts title.  Really there isn't much else to say here.

Back in the clubhouse Doc learns that he has been patched in.  Somehow I feel happy for the guy I mean he worked hard for that spot and every hammer blow was now justified to get him to where he is today, so good on ya Doc thanks for all the hard work.

Borash had to get in the show somehow
AJ Styles comes to the ring next to break his silence about his not being a championship contender for a year.  He talks about the shitty year he has had and how now this is just the final nail in the coffin.  Kazarian and Daniels interrupt his crying to further mock him.  Oh great so another chapter of the tepid rivalry between Daniels and AJ, the fans have been clamouring for this shit again surely.  This war of words eventually culminates in a challenge from AJ to finally see who the best man is between himself and Daniels.  Daniels accepts and we are once again set to see another AJ vs Daniels match.

#1 Contenders Match - Bobby Roooooo VS James Storm

Probably the best match of the night.  And like AJ & Daniels this is another feud that will just not die.  Rooo wins and once again screws Storm out of a title match.  I guess they needed a heel for Hardy to face off against, but Rooo again?  Whatever, fuck this company!


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