Monday, 12 November 2012

TNA Review 11th November 2012

Just to give you all a little insight into how I do my reviews here is what I do. 

I sit down with a notebook and pen (red ink) and mark down anything in each segment as it happens.  So if they go backstage to Hogan I make a new note and so on and so forth.  Most nights I will fill a full A4 page of notes for a normal episode of impact.  This is usually enough for me to bitch about for Monday's post but not today folks oh no.

I filled half a page with notes after last nights show it was that uneventful.

So the show starts with Luke Gallows Doc being bollocked for losing his mask last week and needing to make amends to the group since he hasn't even been "patched in" yet.  Seriously this guy has been there from the start and he still has yet to become a member of the aces and eights?  What do you have to do to get full membership?  Devon lost his mask week one he joined and apparently he is a fully fledged member of the group.  For some reason the xenomorph mask aces member is holding a gavel like this is a court proceeding.  But Doc has one last chance to make amends to the group by winning his match tonight, because nothing says "I'm sorry" like winning a wrestling match.
AJ is one of the best wrestlers TNA have and they waste his talent

Singles Match - AJ Styles VS Bobby Rooooooo

So this was a good match.  AJ and Roooo are good wrestlers and they know each well enough to put each other over.  This is what TNA should be doing more of really, good wrestling matches with performers who give a damn and can still go.  James Storm is on commentary for this match since he is in the triple threat at Turning Point.  Eventually Rooo wins after Storm prevents AJ from being hit with a chair, which pisses off AJ for some reason, who in turn becomes distracted and loses.  Somehow this is Storms fault, not sure why since the alternative was him being hit with a chair.

Backstage Aries is walking around with the TNA title (the real one not the fake crap Hardy buys himself whenever he becomes champion) minding his own business when Hogan turns up and demands he hand over the belt to Hardy by the end of tonight or he will forfeit his match at Turning Point.  Great business strategy Hogan, cancel the main event on a pay per view because he is walking around with a belt.  Hogan of course has to be in nearly every god damn segment these days since he thinks he is the most important part of the show.

Back in the ring Joseph Park once again demands his match against the aces and eights.  Hogan AGAIN makes an appearance to tell Park no.  But before he can inform him of this Bully ray interrupts to stand up for Park, saying he is a tough son of a bitch and that Hogan just needs to have a little faith in him.  Bully even does the whole Hulkamaniacs crap and how he wouldn't want to let them down by saying no.  Hogan eventually caves in and agrees.

Couple of backstage segments now.  The first See's Tara and Jessie talking about he won last weeks match against ODB using all of his signature moves on her and how great he is.  ODB hears this and challenges both of them to a handicap match next, which they agree to provided they have enough hand sanitiser.  The other segment is AJ bitching to the camera about Storm getting involved in his match.  He tried to save your ass AJ!  Storm hears this (is everyone just off camera in this company ready to reply to peoples accusations and lies?) and tells AJ that he intends to kick in the face of TNA.
They may as well have played comedy clown music over this match

Is AJ styles still the face of TNA?  He hasn't won the world championship in quite a long time and in my opinion seems to be only a tertiary concern to TNA when you have them pushing Jeff Hardy and Austin Aries to the moon.  It just further shows that being a "TNA original" gives you no benefits from management since they lavish all the attention on guys from other companies instead.

Handicap Match - ODB VS Tara & Jessie Godderz

This match completely destroys what was left of Jessie Godderz's minimal credibility as a wrestler.  ODB completely squashes both of her opponents without breaking a sweat and wins clean.  Only post match do the heels get any actual offence in and then it means nothing since ODB just beat them both at the same time.  Honestly who is going to give a crap about seeing Jessie wrestle when he starts competing against the male roster?  He just got his arse kicked by a woman half his size, weight and strength.  No disrespect to ODB of course, but realistically he should be able to put up a better fight.

Tag Team Match - Devon & Doc VS Sting & Kurt Angle

I love how Kurt Angle has been shoehorned into this feud with virtually no build other than being attacked a week or so back.  I still scratch my head in confusion as to why Sting is fighting Devon and not Bully ray.  The match itself is pretty forgettable, and I found myself chanting "Old man wrestling" to relieve the boredom.  Let's do an age check here:
  • Kurt Angle - 43 years
  • Sting - 53 years
  • Devon - 40
  • Luke Gallows - 28
So yeah we are watching a bunch of old haggard bastards wrestle with Luke Gallows in the middle of things.  The match ends in a DQ when Devon hits Sting and Angle with a baseball bat.  Bully Ray chases off Devon and runs backstage to get him.  Meanwhile the rest of the aces attack Sting and Luke Gallows drops him through a table and proceeds to beat the crap out of him with a hammer, well a bendy rubber hammer anyway.  Eventually some of the locker room bother to stop this and Sting is helped into the back by the EMT's.

Daniels is already crying about how much this will hurt
Gut check passes with little fanfare as Christian York is given 2 votes to join the roster.  I was surprised at how quickly this segment went since they usually like to drag it out a little more. Still I guess I should be grateful they didn't for a change.  I guess we won't be seeing York again for several months unless he is signed straight to the roster like Joey Ryan was.

In Hogan's office the hulkster is trying to get an update on Sting's condition claiming he needs updates every five minutes, and that without Sting he is in a lot of trouble here as if the doctor gives a shit about Hogan and his issues over in the studio.  Hogan then tells Morgan that he is banned from rignside when Joey Ryan faces RVD for the X division title.  Morgan makes another threat to Hogan, who once again laughs at him when he leaves the room.  Great way to build your heel, but having the frail old man laughing at him every time they talk.

Six Man Tag Match - Magnus & Kazarian & Christopher Daniels VS Samoa Joe & Chavo Guerrero & Hernandez

This was a long fast and good match.  It went the way of all six man matches in wrestling where everyone just ignores the rules and gets involved for some big spots.  This time it was Magnus and Co. who won this match, which means they will lose at the Pay per view.

This is as close as Aries will get to winning the title
The finale of the show is Austin Aries bitching about Jeff and his risk taking ways.  Aries doesn't want to be in a ladder match and claims he is the best wrestler in this universe and all universes.  Yeah that didn't sound like a six year old trying to win an arguement.  Hardy comes out and clobbers Aries until he runs off.  Hardy then sits on the ladder and celebrates with both titles until Aries runs back in and knocks the ladder over KO'ing Hardy.  The show ends with Aries celebrating with both belts instead.


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