Monday, 10 September 2012

TNA Review 9th September


TNA it's like finding a corpse, its something you never wanted to see and you will never get rid of the smell

This week before the show starts we get this awful, awful narration by one of the producers amateur acting buddies, talking about last week like it was an episode of Battlestar Galactica.  They have this terrible generic sort of Walker texas ranger style music over it in an attempt to make it look interesting.  I can't imagine WWE doing anything like this ever to be honest.  Generally WWE use their own footage without any voice over to convey the story, thats why you have the wrestlers tell the story without the need for cheesy "previously on 24" shit.

Singles BFG Match - Jeff Hardy VS Samoa Joe
I like how Joe seems to be laughing here

I will at least give TNA some credit here this week, because after the initial introduction by Tenay and Tazz we get straight to a match.  Sadly its nothing special in either wrestling or story here.  Joe pretty much runs the match as Hardy just phones the entire thing in.  In fact the match runs like a standard issue Cena match.  Hardy gets his ass kicked all match, then he gets a second wind, no sells the beating and wins in five moves.  What is more surprising is that Hardy won with a submission on Joe.  The worst part of the match is when Hardy misses his whisper in the wind, which Joe sells anyway.  This match also had little tension because win or lose, both men are in the finals at No surrender.

Also can I just ask this question to all serious wrestling fans?  Does anyone actually Jeff Hardy anymore?  I know the guy is still popular with the ladies but his ring work looks really lazy and slow these days.

Backstage Austin Aries wants some kind of revenge on the aces and eights after he got knocked out last week by a member of the camera crew.  Hulk calms him down and informs him that security managed to catch one of the aces and that he wants Aries to get some answers from the guy by any means necessary.  I like how Hogan tells Aries to break his legs after he divulges the information.  Its a slip of the tongue, but I just it find it funny to imagine.
Aries: Tell me what I want to know and I will break your legs.
Aces: Sorry?  If I talk you will break my legs, but if I don't you will leave me alone?
Aries: Thats right motherfucker, now talk!
Aces: Errrrrr......No?

Back in the arena Samoa Joe is about to be interviewed about his loss to Hardy, but before he can answer Magnus arrives to apologise for losing his cool and attacking Joe a few weeks back.  He then blames Joe for ending their tag team and claims to leave as the bigger man.  Then he cheapshots Joe and leaves.  If you haven't guessed already, Joe isn't going to win the bound for glory series since they are setting up for a feud here with Magnus.

Backstage we are once again subjected to this elimination crap Hogan started running on the first couple of open fight nights.  You know where they have all the potential challengers backstage and he slowly eliminates one after another throughout the night.  Of course its all one continuous video they edit up to make it look like several smaller parts.  Again the whole live thing is thrown out of the window for pre-taped segments.  Anyway this week is all about which tag team will face Kaz and Daniels for the belts.  The prospective challengers are Chavo & Hernandez, Kash & Gunner and finally the two robbies.  AJ styles bursts in during the discussion and gets himself eliminated first even though he was on his own.  What the fuck?

In Brooke Hogans office we learn that she is giving Tara a title shot at No surrender which brings Gail kim in.  She demands Brooke reconsider her decision and make her the #1 contender.  Brooke sets a match between Tara and Gail to settle the arguement.

Knockouts Singles Match - Gail Kim VS Tara

This match was ok really.  Tara wins anyway since they have been setting up for a feud between her and Tessmacher anyway.  Gail just seems to be jobbing now since they took the belt away from her. 

God knows what they are going to do with the knockouts division in the near future if they keep losing female wrestlers at the rate they are.  At last count I think they have at best six knockouts and with the new contract issues many of the roster seem to be having it will only be a matter of time before more of them leave for good.

The future of TNA?
After a break we see Al snow in the ring demanding that Joey ryan get in there to talk to him.  Apparently security are good enough to spot Joey ryan, but finding six or seven bikers from the aces and eights is impossible for them.  Anyway Joey turns up and gets in the ring.  Al offers him a gut check rematch with the difference being that if Joey wins he gets a spot on the roster there and then.  If he loses then he never gets another look from TNA.  Joey isn't interested since he thinks he should have a spot anyway due to overwhelming fan support.  Al then goads him anyway until Joey asks who he will face, to which Al informs it will him.  Joey turns down the offer at this revelation and goes to leave.  Al slaps him which results in Joey leaving the arena screaming about suing Al.

What annoys me about this plot is that they started this shit back in May this year.  Why did they wait until September before they finally decided to have someone confront him about his protests?  This could have been done in the space of a month and it be entertaining.  The end result will obviously be that Joey ryan gets a spot on the roster anyway so why wait so god damn long?  Also why is Joey attacking Al snow?  Al voted yes for him, it was Tazz who told him to go fuck himself basically.

Backstage we see the captured aces member be brought to Aries.  Aries threatens him with torture if he refuses to speak.  The aces member who we learn is called Mike remains quiet.  TNA do love their torture porn don't they.  I mean they really like situations that involve someone being tied up and beaten repeatedly with a blunt object backstage.  Even during the attitude era the amount of torture was pretty low.  The closest it ever got was a pretty vicious beating or something like that.

In Hogans office he eliminates another team, this time its Kid Kash and Gunner.  His reason for eliminating them is that its become too personal.  What the fuck does that mean?  Too personal?  Its been about twenty minutes since AJ got kicked out, how has this become too personal?  Wacky fucking writing decisions abound in this company.

Singles BFG Match - Bully Ray VS RVD

"RVD now with spring loaded action"
This wasn't a bad match really, probably the best one of the night, but that isnt saying alot really.  This match at least had the high stakes appeal for both men since whoever lost would be eliminated from the bound for glory series.  RVD spends most of the time performing his spot moveset, while Bully does most of the work.  The end comes when Bully Ray catches RVD with a mid air counter on the 5 star frog splash, eliminating RVD from the series.

Backstage we return to Aries and Mike.  Aries still hasn't gotten any information from the guy so threatens to rip his tongue out with a pair of pliers.  A decent threat, removing his tongue does mean he will bleed to death and not give any information, but Aries his conviction here so what the fuck.  I do want to highlight the fact that Aries is willing to commit murder here.  Hogan interrupts Aries before he can kill Mike.  But that doesn't last long because prepares to pulls to his eye out with the pliers instead.  So the babyface characters are willing to commit horrific acts of torture and/or murder in response to being hit with a steel chair.  Mike is rescued by a phone call from the aces, who arrange for Mike to handed over to them in exchange for Aries getting a shot at the "big guy" who tried to break his arm.  Hogan agrees.

In the arena James Storm runs a boring face promo and then calls out the other bound for glory finalists.  He then picks Bully Ray as his opponent at No surrender.  Oh great so we get to see Hardy vs Joe again, couldn't they just vary it up a little?

Backstage RVD is being interviewed about his loss to Bully ray, but again before he can speak, Magnus interrupts and calls him old and out of touch.  RVD explodes on him and security break up the fight.  So is Magnus going to feud with two people now?  Why pick on RVD?  Or is he just pissing off all the people who beat him in the bound for glory series?

TNA World Tag Titles Match - Christopher Daniels & Kazarian VS Hernandez & Chavo Guerrero

The ref breaks out his disco moves mid match out of boredom
This match wasn't really bad, but it highlighted Chavo's ring rust.  He botched alot of moves, had poor timing and generally looked a little scatter brained throughout the match.  He got it together near the end.  Daniels secures the win by distracting the ref and hitting Hernandez with the belt and Kazarian pins him for the win.  Hogan comes out post match and tells them that they will be facing AJ Styles and Kurt Angle at no surrender for the titles.  So basically Hogan allowed them to keep their belts even though they cheated.  The week previous he told them he hated their guts but allows them to get away with blatant cheating.  Guess Chavo just got shit on there huh.

The end of the night comes when Aries drags Mike to the arena to perform the hostage exchange.  He makes a comment during his speech to the aces and eights about being "railroaded from behind" which the audience laugh at him for.  This was funny to be honest because he seemed genuinely pissed at the audience.  Anyway after he clears this up he goes back to the torture, this time using the ultimate torture implement, THE THUMB!  Mike immediately begins to shout "I'll talk!" to which a member of the aces arrives and hits him with a hammer on the top of the head.  So the aces also murder people when its convinient.  Aries brawls with the aces guy and the show ends.

The aces story is still moving at a snails pace like all TNA stories.  Aries and Hogans willingness to commit torture was funny and confusing at the same time.  The continuation of the AJ/Daniels feud is pissing me off no end now, do we need ANOTHER match between these two?  Maybe No surrender will be a decent PPV, but I am expecting it to be pretty meh in quality. 

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