Monday, 24 September 2012

TNA Review 23rd September 2012


TNA, so bad it makes Uwe Boll's House of the dead look cool.

So as usual we get the weekly recap of last weeks madcap events, in which pretty much nothing happened of note with the exception of Tara's heel turn.  Honestly last week was so uneventful it made the movie Daredevil look fun and entertaining.

This episode of open fight night starts with Hogan speaking to Shaquille O'neal.  I guess we won't be seeing Shaq on WWE anymore since he has just appeared for the opposition.  Hulk is wearing his red and yellow gear for some reason and looks tiny by comparison.  Shaq tells Hulk he has his back tonight against the aces and eights since he will be just across the street.  Funny I thought they were in Universal studios.  Hulk rants a bit about the aces and leaves while Shaq tries to do a piece a camera except Hogan shouts over him the entire time.  By the way this is the last we see of Shaquille this episode, so unless he comes back next week it was entirely pointless having him on camera.

Come give Hernandez a HUG!
AJ and Kurt Angle hit the ring first tonight.  Kurt mentions AJ's win last week over Kazarian and how that made them #1 contenders for the tag titles, but also mentions Chavo's victory which made him and Hernandez #1 contenders also.  Now in a normal wrestling scenario this would mean both teams get an equal shot at the belts in a triple threat tag match.  These kind of matches have some great potential, just look at the Hardy's VS E&C VS The Dudleys.  But this is TNA bizarro world of writing and Kurt decides that there can be only one so calls out Chavo & Hernandez for another #1 contenders match.....fuck this company.

#1 Contenders Tag Match - AJ Styles & Kurt Angle VS Chavo Guerrero & Hernandez

The match itself is quite long, probably the longest of the show which says something about the rest of the wrestling on this episode.  Overall though its an ok match which again shows Chavo at his best when he works a tag match.  The match ends when Kazarian and Daniels rush in and beat the crap out of both teams.  Now for some reason Kaz and Daniels are under the impression that since the match ended in a disqualification of both teams, neither one is #1 contender.  How this makes sense is beyond me, but of course this prompts Hogan to step out (now wearing black) to announce that the match at Bound for glory will now be a triple threat tag match.  Obvious match was obvious.  The worst part of the match though had to be the ref.  TNA love to have their tag matches just devolve into tornado matches where tags are irrelavent.  Half the match is just a free for all as the ref does nothing to get the illegal men out of the ring, in fact he even works with them to count pinfalls.

Backstage Hogan is told by Abyss Joseph Park that he has the evidence in hand now and is in a traffic jam in the parking lot or some shit.  Hogan wants him to come straight to him with the evidence when he gets there.  Surely a better plan would be for Hogan to go to Park to ensure he gets the evidence ASAP?  We also see Al Snow being questioned about his spat with Joey ryan and also about his new haircut which is obviously massive news in TNA for some reason.

Gut Check Match - Doug Williams VS 18 year old wrestler man

This guy got squashed
Yeah I forget the newbies name, but frankly I couldn't give a crap.  Since this gut check crap started we have yet to see any of the lucky winners wrestle on impact and its likely that a good number of them will be dropped in developmental before ever getting a sniff of the roster.  Joey ryan is an exception because he has a character instead and people seem to respond to him, the others have all been dime a dozen mediocre performers with no personality.  Anyway the 18 year old gets absolutely squashed.  He gets squashed so badly you would think he just had a fight with the blob from marvel it was so bad a squash match.

Next up is James Storm doing his now regular rants to the audience about how fucking great they are and how much of a redneck he is.  I fucking hate James Storm and Bobby Roooo to be honest, and its not because of their wrestling which is actually pretty decent, its because of their lazy characters.  Bobby Rooo is clearly ripping off Triple H in everything but name, it wouldn't surprise me to see him one day dropping someone with the pedigree.  James Storm is a poor man's Shawn Michaels.  He wears the same kind of hats, has a similar style of wrestling and even uses the same fucking finisher.  Not saying that the superkick is unique to Michaels but jesus christ its plain for all to see.  Even the tag team of beer money is an obvious rip off of the APA.  Anyway he calls out Bobby Rooo who claims he cannot wrestle a match tonight because he isn't prepared and doesn't have his ring gear tonight so he leaves.

Backstage Hogan catches Rooo and basically says he can either go out and wrestle Storm now or be fired.  Roooo actually considers this which is funny before finally going back out to face Storm.

Grudge Match - James Storm VS Bobby Roooooo

This match was pretty boring and flat and was basically put on so the fans could see Rooo and Storm fight it out before Bound for glory.  Some fans are really hateful of Rooo swearing at him alot, and I mean alot to the point where the sound is pretty much gone due to the amound of censoring whenever they go near a certain area of the guard rail.  I know fans being into your show is a good thing, but some fans go too far.  The ref has zero control of the match to point where it seems pointless to have him around.  He threatens count outs which is funny because they had been fighting outside for more than a minute at a time before the ref would threaten them.  Eventually they are both DQ'd after they shove the ref a few times.  This doesn't stop them from fighting though as they brawl to the backstage where its left upto the audiences imagination as to what happens after that becuase we don't see them again.

Shawn Michaels looking motherfucker
Backstage again with Hogan who is told that Park has yet to arrive in the building.  Hogan seems pretty pissed with his security team, but considering the building was on lockdown why didn't Hogan just have a few security guards meet Park and escort him to the building?  Hulk then gets a call from the aces who claim to have Park in their clubhouse.  Hogan leaves to plan his next move.

Aries finds Hardy in the lockeroom and has a pretty one sided conversation with him about how fucking great Hardy is.  Really its embarassing when you have a babyface talk to another babyface about how awesome they are.  It works when you have a lesser heel talk to a bigger heel like this because it shows them sucking up.  Aries apparently wants to do all the things Hardy has but better basically.  So I guess Aries wants to get bigger drug convictions, have a better painkiller addiction, be an even shitter artist, Ruin more PPV main events due to being high as a kite and have an even larger brother who talks shit and can't wrestle.

Back ringside Tara has come down in full heel mode now.  She complains about being used by everyone, fans included, and how she deserves better.  We also here about some new boyfriend she has from Hollywood, which could be anybody when you consider this is TNA.  Because it is open fight night she decides to call out Christy Hemme as her opponent tonight.  Christy is reluctant yet seems to walk to the ring anyway.  All Hemme has to do is walk away backstage and that would be that, but no she gets in the ring and is grabbed by Tara.  Tessmacher makes the save and the segment ends.  This is how bad the knockouts the division has become now.  They are so short on female wrestlers they are having to throw in non wrestlers for stories.

Hogan hits the ring next to talk about his offer for a hostage exchange of sorts.  He will go to the aces clubhouse alone next week if they release park now.  The aces appear on screen and say they have to congratulate Park on his work before smashing his laptop to prevent the evidence from being leaked.  Park who is in a cage I think says he still has the information in his head, so the aces hit him with a hammer.  So Park is now either dead or permamently brain damaged, so Hogan doesn't have to go to the aces clubhouse since Park is out of the picture.  Its great, TNA torpedoed their own plot in under two minutes.

Aries comes out for the finale of the night a little miffed that the producers are focusing on Hardy so much and not him.  To prove he is as good if not better than Hardy he calls out Bully ray for the final match of the night.  Bully seems shocked that Aries would do this and the two argue for fucking ever before actually getting a match going.

Singles Match - Austin Aries VS Bully Ray

Armpit Strike!
This match was pretty poor to start with.  Austin botches a few moves and the pacing is way off, but it does improve near the end.  Hebner gets clouted once or twice which allows Bully ray to cheat and knock out Aries with his chain.  Aries loses and Bully goes to hit Aries with the title belt, before Hardy runs out and saves him.  Aries is pissed that Hardy is holding his title and the show ends with Aries throwing a hissy fit.

Overall this was another pretty uneventful show.  The lack of logic shown by Hogan is hilarious and if he turns up to the aces HQ next week then the writing for the show must be done by a backward chimp because it would make no sense.  Hardy is apparently getting blown from dawn to dusk because he is rumoured to be leaving next year in hopes of having a final run with WWE before retiring and TNA want to keep him happy with the title.  Personally I don't think WWE need Hardy back and they would be wasting good money to give him another run.  Also where are the rest of the roster?  Things seem really quiet backstage in TNA these days.

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