Monday, 2 July 2012

TNA Review 1st July 2012

The beginning of the month and I have to review this?!  God damn this sucks.  Ok well we left off last week with one of the lamest most underwhelming payoffs to a wrestling storyline ever and thats including the gobbledy gooker.  It seems like the "creative" team must have decided how bad this was and put into motion "plan B" to extend this pointless story and salvage it a little.

We start off tonights TNA with AJ and Dixie talking backstage about last weeks finale.  AJ has gotten back into his groove so to speak and is relishing the oppourtunity to face Kaz and Daniels tonight in a tag team title match.  You can tell from this point very moment that everything will go to shit for AJ because a happy babyface is bound to be brought down on the same night.

Singles BFG Series Match - Mr.Anderson VS RVD

RVD demonstrates his new combat yoga techniques for the fans
Unlike last week, which seemed to be in a rush to get through its matches, this match lasted alot longer.  Although this is yet another Anderson/RVD match, its ok overall.  RVD doesn't turn the fight into a spotfest for once but he does botch a few moves to make up for it.  The crowd is dead for most of the match, and has been the case since TNA went live.  The problem they have is that they can no longer dub the crowd to cover the deafening silence.  RVD wins after countering Anderson into a crucifix pin.

Austin Aries arrives next recapping his option C decision from last week.  The main point for his being there is to announce the new tournament to determine the next X division champion.  Like last year the people taking part are all new wrestlers to TNA, although more avid pro wrestling fans will recognise them from other companies.  This will likely be the best part of Destination X, since the X division guys are pretty good to watch.  Bobby Rooo interrupts Aries and runs his usual promo that sends us to sleep every week.  Roo dresses like he just finished work at the office its funny.  Don't get me wrong, wrestlers wandering in suits just looks odd in such a campy show.  Rooo demands Aries leaves his ring, which ticks off Aries so much he loses his shirt and challenges Rooo there and then.  Roo backs down since all heels are cowards these days (thanks for nothing WWE) and leaves.

Aries models the new X champ line of clothing
Backstage the acting tornado that is 'Claire' discusses with the backstage camera guy how she knows Dixie and AJ, as if we care.  Apparently she is friends with Dixies mum and when she got hooked on drugs Dixie instinctively thought that AJ is the perfect person to help a drug addict get clean.  I mean come on!  Why?  This story has gotten so wacky now that every new plot point and character development only digs them deeper into shit.

Another backstage segment sees Kazarian turn on Daniels for being told a bunch of lies about AJ.  Now I am going to ruin the 'brilliant' ending here by pointing out how fucking stupid this is getting.  Where Daniels master plan originally focused on AJ having an affair with Dixie, now its changed to AJ sleeping with Claire and getting her pregnant.  Kazarian is still a heel regardless of his apparent change of heart, meaning that he turned heel originally not because AJ was sleeping with Dixie (because that was fake, created by Daniels) but because AJ got a drug addict pregnant.  How fucked up is Kazarian?  Also why did they run the fake affair plot if they just wanted to mess with AJ?  Why piss off the boss when it gets you nothing?  In WWE they would have been fired by now, but its TNA so heels can do anything without being punished.  Also out of all the storylines, why isn't Hogan involved in this one?  He is in everything except this, and really this one applies to him since Dixie got him the GM job.  Dumbass writing that only TNA can give us right there.

X Division Singles Match - Sonjay Dutt VS Rubix

Dutt accidentally glued his hands to his legs before the match
Sonjay makes his return to TNA after a couple of years absence, while Rubix better known as Jigsaw makes his debut in TNA tonight.  This match was pretty damn good, the only downside is that it was short compared to the BFG matches.  Dutt wins after hitting an evil looking moonsault footstomp finisher, how do they do that without killing their opponent?  TNA crowds are very easily pleased giving this match a "this is awesome" chant, which its a good match, but Bret VS Austin this is not.

We are shown a recording from last week or Tazz, Al Snow and Bruce Prichard pretending to shoot on the gut check match.  The problem is that its so heavily scripted its a joke.  Considering how TNA want to be more real as a product, this scripted stuff brings them down.  Why not just show us a raw un-scripted discussion of the three of them talking about Taeler, why they like her and what didn't like for real.  Provided Tazz doesn't go on a tangeant about wanting to have sex with her it would be interesting to see a real management discussion about a wrestler and their performance.

Singles BFG Series Match - Bully Ray VS Samoa Joe

These two run a decent brawler match.  Bully works Joes arm for half the match which Joe seems to quickly forget as soon as he goes on offence.  Bully looks to be on track to win until Joseph Park comes out to get in his face.  He slaps Bully stunning him long enough for Joe to hit a submission and pick up 10 points.  Post match Park challenges Bully to a match in two weeks.  Park seems to have hit his limit of bullying from Bully Ray and wants to end it now.  Why doesn't Park just leave?  He found his brother is fine and lurking somewhere in the background of the impact zone and found the culprit responsible for Abyss being gone for so long.  So why is he still there?

Joe still thinks its real to him dammit!
Backstage Dixie is asked about the affair accusations from Daniels, which she stumbles over because the story is now so convoluted its impossible to explain logically.  She just talks about how Daniels edited the phone call and how he took photo's out of context etc.  Since she knew the truth why didn't she just tell everyone that the phone call was about a birthday party and the hotel room was where Claire was staying from the start?  More importantly why didn't she tell her husband so he didn't slug AJ a couple of weeks back?

Kazarian tries to convince Hogan to get him out of the tag match which Hogan denies, telling Kazarian that he has to show everyone what he is made of out there tonight.  So Hogan doesn't care then?  He seems more interested in taking phone calls instead of managing the talent of the show and taking an interest in a story that involves his boss personally.  Even Kazarian leaves making comments about how pointless that was.

In another pre-taped segment Madison Rayne asks Garret what her unknown boyfriend is like.  He has no idea so she whispers his name to him and he simply says "good luck".  This looks like another storyline the team had to quickly rewrite, because everyone called it as Garret weeks back.  Frankly this plot thread will never go anywhere and seriously who cares?  This is another case where TNA strings a story out for weeks and weeks and weeks before finally advancing it and the payoff is weak.  Its always weak with TNA.

X Division Match - Rashad Cameron VS Mason Andrews

Oh thats what Mason looks like
I have to admit I have never seen these guys before, and they are both immediately forgettable.  I mean from a visual point.  Rashad has a massive afro and thats it while Mason is.....I might need to find a picture since I forgot what he looked like.  Anyway the match is ok, which is a shame for the X division.  They run the match like they give a damn at least and the crowd once give this another chant for being "awesome".  Rashad wins after hitting a move which I forgot, but he won thats all that matters.

Backstage Gail Kim argues with brooke hogan about getting another title shot.  Brooke gives her what she wants and sets the match two weeks from now.

Back in Hulks office he gives Storm and Hardy an update on Sting because......they like Sting?  He sets them both in a match for next week as part of the BFG series, amusingly referring to them as his two young stallions.  Hardy is 32 and Storm is 35, young by society standards, but in pro wrestling they are getting old.  Hardy is injured to oblivion from his attitude era days and looks older than 32.  Storm just looks like he is in his mid to late thirties so yeah not so young, and definitely not stallions.  Now if Hogan was talking to two guys in their twenties then I would have no problem.

Filming for Anchorman 2 is going well it seems, ferrel bulked up
Gut check decision time now with the three stooges in the ring.  Taeler is introduced and we begin the voting process.  Tazz says yes because she has tits.  Al Snow says no even though he brought her in for gut check (apparently he got heat from management for picking her) while Prichard says yes to get her a contract with TNA.  During this segment Ron Burgundy I mean Joey Ryan gate crashes and confronts Tazz again from the crowd.  He is eventually dragged off by security, but its obvious that he will be debuting soon as a full time character.

TNA Tag Title Match - Christopher Daniels & Kazarian VS Kurt Angle & AJ Styles

Daniels spots the dirty picture on the turnbuckle Tazz planted earlier
AJ and Kurt spend most of the match beating the crap out of Kaz and Daniels.  Kazarian acts like he wants nothing to do with Daniels even purposefully screwing up tag changes and not doing double team moves.  Despite the handicap, Daniels does manage to get into a position to knock out AJ with a chair since the ref was bumped.  Kaz stops Daniels and allows AJ to knock out Daniels, before giving him the finger.  While AJ prepares to hit the Styles clash on Daniels, Kazarian hits AJ with the chair and he and Daniels become the new tag champions.  Post match Daniels tells us that Claire is pregnant with AJ's baby and Dixie seems confused.  Of course it won't be AJ's baby and just another pointless twist in a story that already makes no fucking sense.

Not a bad episode for a change as far as wrestling goes.  The AJ/Dixie/Daniels/Kazarian story is ridiculously dumb, but if you watch TNA for the dumbass writing then this is solid gold. 


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