Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Raw Review 9th July 2012

This is the 998th episode tonight, although Cole must be seeing things in the future because he says its episode 999.  To kick off, this episode was awful for wrestling.  Good story build for the WWE title match, but by christ the wrestling on this WRESTLING show was terrible.

For once Punk is lost for words
The night begins with AJ skipping down to the ring to discuss the situation with CM Punk and Daniel Bryan.  The referee position she has is weighing heavily on her mind and she needs to talk to Punk about it.  Punk arrives, not too sure about what is about to happen.  She is annoyed with Punk saying she needs professional mental help, but understands and appreciates his concern.  She then proceeds to take forever to tell Punk she is turned on by him.  The crowd begin to boo this segment, because she makes every word. its. own. sentence.  Because she gets the horn from Punk, she asks him to marry her.  Obviously Punk is shocked and unsure what to do.  At this point Bryan arrives to prevent an answer.  He then claims that Punk is using her and that he in fact loves her, so much in fact that he proposes marriage to her.  Punk calls bullshit demanding to see the wedding ring he bought, which Bryan obviously doesn't have.  Punk and Bryan argue more until the anonymous GM makes his hideous return.  Cole reads out the screensaver telling us that tonight we will see a mixed tag match of AJ & Punk VS Bryan & Eve.  Bryan is pissed with this decision, while AJ wants time to think about the proposal.  She does promise though that she will leave tonight with her future husband.

Singles Match - Sheamus VS Jack Swagger

They should call it the squash kick
Swagger doesn't even get an entrance, thats how much of a squash match this is.  I know Swagger isn't exactly over with the fans or management, but the guy is a decent wrestler and is decent on the mic, why bury him so much?  This is the first of several squashes of the night, that makes me wonder why they call this professional wrestling for tonights episode.  Sheamus walks in, hits Swagger with white noise and his shoe kick, then pins Swagger.

Post match Alberto taunts Sheamus from the tron and drives off after promising to win the title at money in the bank.  Sheamus kicks Swagger again for good measure and simply bury him some more.

Backstage Santino decides to find out who the anonymous GM is by donning a deerskin hat, pretends to smoke a pipe and walks around with a magnifying glass.  He looks like such an arse doing this, I wonder if even he cringes at the shit he has to do for this company.  Zack Ryder is shown here, but of course he doesn't wrestle, because shit thats what the fans would want and WWE don't want that.

Cole and Lawler discuss the return of the Rock on the 1000th episode of Raw.  I guess Dwayne's schedule opened up enough for him to do a 5 minute promo before working on another movie.  It is kind of funny though to see WWE needing the rock now, more than the rock needs WWE.

Tag Team Match - Dolph Ziggler & Tensai VS Christian & Tyson Kidd

Fat man splash #1
Kidd and Christian don't get an intro here either so we know who is going to lose this one.  And what pisses me off here is that we have 4 pretty good wrestlers, of varying styles.  Tensai can work well with smaller guys as evidenced by his run in the attitude era.  Christian is a brilliant worker, Kidd is fast and has a good mix of technical and high risk moves, and Ziggler is just all round good.  Sadly this match is a squash also, as Sakamoto distracts the ref, allowing Tensai to win by jumping on Christian.  Post match Vickie is impressed with tensai and his ability to pancake people, while Tensai beats the shit out of Tyson Kidd as revenge for last week.  Again I would have liked more actual wrestling.

Cole and King begin to argue over who should be the permament GM of RAW and Smackdown.  They get pretty heated as Kind wants the babyface options of Teddy Long and Mick Foley, while Cole wants the laptop as the GM.  Cole splashes water onto King just as the laptop beeps and Cole finds himself in a match with King later tonight.  The GM then changes this to a vote on WWE's website, but lets face it these votes are all rigged anyway, since its a scripted program.

Singles Match - Drew McIntrye VS Brodus Clay

Fat man splash #2
Brodus' entrance takes longer than the match, in which he squashes Drew in about two moves.  Again this was another complete waste of time.  This makes the third squash now in a row, this is officially becoming my worst Raw ever.  Anyway post match Brodus dances with the kids in the ring, which I assume is a punishment for the kids to be honest.

Backstage Santino accuses Jericho of being the laptop GM, which Jericho denies and confuses Santino by making him think he might be the GM and he doesn't know it.  Santino leaves and Big Show arrives.  Jericho tries to get Show on his side by referencing Jerishow, but it doesn't work.  Big Show threatens to punch Jericho if he isn't careful and leaves.

Luigi comes out to run a promo about how he will win the money in the bank and how he will become the new WWE champion.  So WWE had time for his pointless shit but to have this we lose time in earlier matches?  Fuck this company.

Tag Team Match - John Cena & Kane VS Chris Jericho & Big Show

A theme tonight for WWE it seems, fat man splash #3
Anyone else find it weird that Kane has just suddenly become a face all of a sudden?  And even weirder is that he is tagging with the guy who a few months back was his mortal enemy?  Whatever.  Anyway this match actually goes on longer than three seconds as Jericho, Show and Kane do a decent match.  Cena isn't bad by any means, but he never puts over his opponent and almost immediately no sells any hits the second he is tagged out.  The match ends in a bullshit DQ when Show saves Jericho from a pinfall.  Show throws Cena into the guard rail and beats up Kane and Jericho with a ladder.  Cena rolls back and hits Show with a ladder and he parades around the ring with the ladder above his head.

Backstage Eve warns Punk not to mess with AJ, since she can hurt him alot more than just losing the title.  Sound advice really, since AJ could one day come at him with a pair of scissors because he looked at another woman for a second one day.  She also taunts him about being less relevant as a champion now compared to AJ.

Money in the bank Qualifier Match - Sin Cara VS Heath Slater

Why do the pcitures of his matches not have the blue light?
Of course Slater isn't going to get a shot at the briefcase so we know Cara will win.  I still don't know why Cara gets a pop from the crowd.  I like the potential he has, but he has been a dead weight since he arrived.  Triple H signed him though, so its unlikely he will ever be fired from WWE since it would make Trips look bad.  The match though is probably Cara's best since he didn't botch anything.  Slater works well with Cara for some reason.

Post match Slater complains about losing and demands to face any challenger from the back to prove he can win a MITB match.  Bob Backlund answers the challenge.  Of all people, Bob Backlund, and he looks to still be in shape to.  He gets a "you still got it" chant and then puts Slater into the Crossface chickenwing.  At least he didn't do anything properly crazy like flash kids in the front row or anything like that.

Singles Match - Jerry Lawler VS Michael Cole

Fire this twat!
Cole rightly calls the fans hypocrites for wanting to see him wreslte again even though alot of people complain about him being in matches.  This isn't really a match anyway.  Booker T and Josh Matthews briefly replace King and Cole on commentary for the match.  Cole tries to escape only to be thrown back in by Booker, and then King puts him in an areoplane spin for the pin.

Post match the anonymous GM declares Cole the winner instead after Booker interfered.  Santino comes down to declare that the GM must be under the ring, because he has looked everywhere else.  This proves to be true as Santino is attacked and King helps him.  From under the ring comes Hornswoggle and thus the end to the stupid laptop GM storyline.  Hornswoggle attacks everyone in the ring and leaves.  This was pointless and only proves that the writing team never had a clear idea of who was the anonymous GM was going to be when they originally ran the storyline.

Mixed Tag Match - Eve & Daniel Bryan VS AJ & CM Punk

Even Punk looks confused about the finish
This match was largely a diva match with a bit of Punk and Bryan thrown in for good measure.  To prove his undying love Daniel Bryan abandons Eve when she goes for a tag to let AJ win.  Post match Bryan once again tries to manipulate AJ to his side, while Punk apologises for being honest and actually considering her feelings, turning down her marriage proposal.  She slaps Punk in the face for turning her down, while also slapping Bryan in the face.  She skips off happy that all the focus was on her once again.

This was a shit show for wrestling, barring the tag match with Jerishow this Raw was total wank.  The story development was weak overall, and it just fell flat overall.  Money in the bank will be good to makr up for it.


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