Wednesday, 4 July 2012

Raw Review 2nd July 2012


Yeah I know its now the 4th and everything but I don't watch RAW live on monday since it would be 2 in the morning when it starts and after 4 when it finished.  I watch the show on tuesday night and do my review on the wednesday, but whatever you still get the review.

Luigi opens the night to a relatively pro Cena crowd for this event, it must catch him off guard when a majority of the audience like him.  He runs a promo about money in the bank and how he is the underdog since he has never been in MITB.  Whats funny is that he is right about never being in the money in the bank match, but he sure as hell isn't the underdog.  Daniel Bryan arrives next making his claim that he will win the title and if Cena gets the briefcase he will lose if he tries to take the title from him.  Punk then interrupts and begins to annoy Bryan by stealing his catchphrase.  Jericho then involves himself by telling Bryan to get some new catchphrases, then he demonstrates a bunch of his classic phrases.  He also tells Cena to prepare for the MITB match because he will need it to beat him, also daring anyone to prove him wrong as the best MITB competitor in the business.  Kane accepts this challenge and stares down Jericho.  Finally Big Show arrives and all hell breaks loose.  Show cleans house and stands tall over everyone, no pun intended.

We are told that Charlie Sheen will be hosting the 1000th raw episode, which should be interesting if nothing else, considering he is batshit insane.  Maybe he will tell loads of non PG jokes and make all the kiddies cry.

8 Man Tag Match - Cody Rhodes/David Otunga &The Primetime Players VS Kofi Kingston/R-Truth/Christian & Shitheel Marella

This is just a huge spotfest.  Abraham Washington is mic'ed up for some reason, so we get to hear him say things like "Yeah tag him in" and other brilliant lines like "Come on Titus!".  It just reminded me of the time Flawless were mic'ed for one of their matches and the crowd fucking hated it.  Its just annoying really.  Anyway the Primetime players run off once again to avoid a beating leaving Cody and Otunga to face four men.  Cody soon abandons Otunga and we see him be slowly crushed.  Just when it couldn't get any worse for him (being beaten up by Santino is pretty bad as it is) Brodus clay arrives.  Clay wants revenge for being attacked by Otunga on smackdown and throws him back into the ring to be squashed by Santino.  Post match Otunga is hit with multiple finishers and then the babyfaces dance with kids in the ring.  Hulk Hogan era WWF wasn't this cheesy and that was the early nineties for gods sake.

Backstage Alberto tries to kiss Teddy Longs ass since he is GM for this week.  Alberto wants another title match, so Teddy sets him up in a preliminary match to prove he has what it takes, but doesn't tell him who his opponent is.

Singles Match - Alberto Del Rio VS Sin Cara

Now I am pretty sure these two do not get along in real life so I was wondering how a match between these two popular mexican wrestlers would go.  The fact is unfortunately we never see a match.  Alberto immediately kicks Cara's ass as soon as he enters the ring before the bell sounds.  Alberto throws him outside and puts him in the cross arm breaker.  Cara is beaten and Alberto seems happy, although I don't think teddy will give him his title match now, since he never actually wrestled a match, he just jumped his opponent instead.

Backstage AJ is approached by Bryan who tries a weak apology and gives her a rose.  On Smackdown it was revealed that she will be the special referee in the main even title match at money in the bank, and so Bryan is afraid of being screwed out of his win by a vengeful AJ.  She throws the phoney apology in his face and says she looks forward to impressing Punk with her win tonight.

Paul Heyman leaves a message for Triple H and the fans saying that Brock Lesnar will respond to Triple H on the 1000th Raw.  He also taunts Trips by saying that Lesnar will destroy him at summerslam.

Mixed Tag Match - Vickie Guerrero & Dolph Ziggler VS AJ & Sheamus

Vickie runs her own intro prior to appearing on stage, dubbing herself as the queen diva.  Guess she must still be hurting from the loss she suffered last week in the summer battle royale.  The match sees Ziggler and Sheamus go at it for most of it.  Sheamus owns Ziggler so badly that he tags in Vickie to avoid a shoe kick.  This doesn't help as Sheamus clobbers him anyway.  AJ rushes in and knocks out Vickie in a single move and wins.

Backstage AJ rushes to find Punk who is talking to someone on the phone.  She wants to know what he thought of the match, which he didn't know about since he was on the phone the entire time.  She takes this badly and walks away pretty upset, leaving Punk bemused.

Singles Match - Heath Slater VS Doink

Yes another blast from the past here as we see Doink the clown make a brief appearance.  I love how in WWE's kayfabe world ALL of the previous wrestlers they have ever had are just wandering around backstage still in character.  Its just funny to picture guys like the Mountie sitting down with Randy Orton in the locker room, or Money Inc. still operating somewhere in the building planning their next move.  Anyway the match doesn't last long as Doink is beaten after getting a brief offence in.  Post match DDP of all people shows up to a massive pop from the crowd.  He congratulates Slater and then hits him with the diamond cutter.

We see an advert for the digitally remastered cheesy action classic No Holds Barred starring hulk hogan and terrible wrestler Zeus.  Not sure why but it sure was more entertaining than the Marine.

Singles No Disqualification Match - Big Show VS Kane

This was an ok giant man match.  Kane gets some good hits on Big Show, but since Show is on the monster heel push at the moment he flattens Kane eventually.  The finale comes when he chokeslams Kane onto a chair in the middle of the ring.

Backstage again as Eve tries to butter up Teddy Long.  He just slaps a 'hello my name is Eve' tag on her and walks away.  She finds AJ upset over being ignored by punk and tries to taunt her.  AJ goes all creepy crazy on her and says she will show everyone how to get attention in this business, leaving Eve a little freaked out.

Singles Match - Tyson Kidd VS Tensai

Tensai has been a little upset recently over being beaten several times in a row so aims to quickly squash Kidd.  Sadly for him and surprisingly Kidd pins Tensai in under a minute with a quick reversal into a school boy pin.  Tensai goes fucking nuts and kicks the crap out of Sakamoto for his humiliation before leaving to "Albert" chants.  WWE are apparently working on repackaging him, so this must the beginning of him maybe feuding with Sakamoto or changing his character a little, we shall have to see.

Backstage Jericho and Bryan have an arguement over who has the better jacket and then have a catchphrase off, which is pretty funny.  We see Punk and Cena talk but its not funny and frankly I just want to see Kenn Doane jump out and shout at Cena for stealing his girlfriend and ruining his career.

Tag Team Match - Chris Jericho & Daniel Bryan VS CM Punk & John Cena

Before the match starts we see an advert on screen for a dvd of Cena's 50 greatest matches.  Surely thats just one match played 50 times because they are all the same anyway.  The match was ok overall, Cena is the weak link in the match being overshadowed by Punk, Bryan and Jericho.  Eventually Jericho and Cena brawl to the backstage and effectively take themselves out of the match, leaving Bryan and Punk, the two best on the roster, to finish the match.  AJ appears a few minutes later to skip about the ring, but she is ignored as Punk and Bryan continue to kick the crap out each other.  She decides to get a table from under the ring and prepares to jump through it.  Both guys beg her to stop, with Punk climbing the corner to physically stop her.  She kisses Punk and pushes him onto Bryan who both go through the table.  She steals Bryans yes chant and the show ends.

Not a great episode for wrestling, but it was good for plot development.  Its good to see WWE giving a diva a good storyline to work with for once and involve her so strongly in the fate of the WWE title.  DDP was cool to see as was Doink.  Jericho brought some much needed humour back with his back catalogue of catchphrases and mocking Bryans maroon jacket.

Thats not to say it was all great.  Santino being put over continually now is grating to say the least.  The Funkasaurus stuff is getting horrendously old and his gimmick is just lame even by TNA standards.  Alberto squashing Cara was pointless since the introductions took longer than the beating did and Teddy Long is pretty boring as GM, but then again all babyface GM's are boring because they never do anything interesting like the heel ones do.

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