Friday, 27 July 2012

Raw 1000th Episode Review


Yes the final raw review here for WWE's very special 1000th episode.  Like many other fans I was pumped to see some good wrestling and a heavy dose of nostalgia.  Well they did deliver on the nostalgia at least, but for actual wrestling this show was very poor.  I guess its to be expected from a company that is now content to focus on their drama rather than the wrestling.

We get a new logo and intro video for WWE, showing lots of previous WWE legends and highlights.  Its better than the old one that Botchamania parodied.

The reunion of the over 40 club goes well
McMahon opens the show to a big pop from the enthused crowd.  There are tonnes of signs in the crowd reminding me of the attitude days when it was hard to see the fans sometimes for all the card being held up when the camera panned over them.  Even Cole and Lawler have dressed up for the show, wearing their PPV suits.  WWE really are treating this like a wrestlemania type event.  Anyway Vince gets a "thankyou vince" chant before he introduces DX.  Hunter and Michaels appear throwing the crotch chops and giving away glow sticks.  They mention the fact that DX used to be bigger and we get the return of X-Pac and the New age outlaws, which rocks.  The end comes when they knock out Damien Sandow who comes down to try and enlighten the crowd.  They joke around and although I dislike Michaels this was pretty good for an opening segment.

Jim Ross returns yet again for another commentary run for the night.  I know he can't call the show like he used to, but how many times are they going to bring him back for one night as a special each year?  Pretty soon its not going to be something that surprises the fans anymore.

Six Man Tag Match - Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara/Sheamus VS Chris Jericho/Dolph Ziggler/Alberto Del Rio

The mighty shoe kick!
Like I said earlier this show isn't about the wrestling, its more about the nostalgia.  The match runs with Cara being beaten for a couple of minutes and managing to make the tag.  Sheamus botches his irish curse backbreaker on Jericho pretty badly to the point he has to redo it immediately afterwards.  The end comes when Ziggler purposefully screws Jericho as revenge for the codebreaker he recieved last week, adding to the feud they are setting up between them.  Sheamus picks up the victory in a pretty short match.

We get a skype call segment with Charlie Sheen.  Its a shame really since I was expecting to see him in the arena drinking tiger blood and spouting all kinds of shit.  His skype call pretty much runs a scripted course and doesn't really add anything to the show to be honest.

Backstage AJ talks to herself while Layla brushes her hair.  Layla questions her  about this odd behaviour to which AJ responds that she isn't the weirdest or craziest person in the company, opening the dressing room door to show Hacksaw Jim Duggan shouting something.  We then see R-Truth and Rowdy Roddy piper playing skipping rope with little Jimmy.  To top it off we get to see Mae Youngs son (the hand she gave birth to) as a grown man.  AJ proves she isn't all that bad and Layla wishes her luck with her wedding tonight.

Singles Squash Match - Brodus Clay VS Jack Swagger

Even on Earthquakes worst day he didn't like a dick unlike brodus
Yeah so Denver the last dinosaur here is accompanied by Dude Love for some reason before he squashes Swagger in less than 10 seconds.  Post match Dude and Brodus dance in the ring.  It took fucking Dude Love longer to reach the ring than it did the match to start and end.  Still seeing dude again was cool....even though its Mick foley......fuck you Dude love rules.

Backstage Trish tries to help Triple H with some yoga techniques that look a little suspicious while the rest of DX look on.  X-Pac tries to talk to Trish.  We also see Daniel Bryan talking to some men from the local mental hospital.  Seems he plans to have AJ sectioned instead of just dumping her at the altar.

Skipping in a wedding dress and heels! Bitch be crazy
The wedding begins after the break and Slick is running the wedding!?.  Its pretty cool seeing him after all this time.  I remember him from when I was little watching the royal rumble.  He is pretty good here tonight, running with the audience as they shout WHAT every time he finishes a sentence.  He even manages to make AJ corpse until she stops him.  Bryan runs his sickly sweet "I love you with all my beard" bullshit and it at first looks like AJ has fallen for his scheme.  In a swerve though it turns out that AJ has accepted a different proposal from McMahon, to become Raw's new GM.  She skips around Bryan and leaves shouting YES the whole time.  Bryan now insane with rage in the ring shouts NO repeatedly.  This YES gimmick is going to haunt him for the rest of his career.

Punk is not amused
After another advert Bryan is still going insane in the ring until Punk comes out to basically laugh at him for being dumped.  The two argue some about the state of the title and who will win what until Rock makes his appearance.  He calls Daniel Bryan an oompa Loompa on the count that he is a little tiny bit shorter than Punk and runs the rest of his promo.  We learn that Rock will face the current WWE champion next year at the royal rumble for the title, regardless of who it is.  Punk tells him it will be him and he isn't afraid of the peoples champ.  Bryan again tries to interject, but recieves a wedding present in the form of a rock bottom.

Intercontinental Title Match - Christian VS The Miz

I love how Bret always looks unimpressed and bored
Bret Hart announces the competitors for the match and thats it.  I suppose its good he had a speaking part for tonights show, but at the same time I was a little underwhelmed that was all they used him for.  The match is again short despite the show having an extra hour to fill and sees the Miz become the new champion.  Babyface fans will argue it was because Christian had a bum knee, but really Miz deserves a title run again.  I seriously see him being one of the top men in the company after Cena's usefulness runs out.

Charlie Sheen on Skype again laughs at Daniel Bryan for being dumped at the altar.  But again I am still confused as to why they bothered having him.  There have been other celebrities that have actually been on the show and even taken part, why not have Hugh Jackman or Arnold Schwarzenegger since he could plug the expendables 2.  Fuck Arnold would have cost less than Charlie Sheen surely?

Heyman can pull awesome expressions
Triple H comes out again this time running his angry persona, you know the one where he buries new talent to make himself look good and still relevant.  He calls out Brock who is in the building, but once again we get Heyman.  Trips wants an answer to his challenge and Heyman once again says no.  They go back and forth until Heyman brings Hunters kids into the argument.  This brings out Stephanie who manages to piss Heyman off enough that he accepts the challenge on Brocks behalf.  With this done Steph attacks Heyman, which brings out Brock.  Hunter and Brock fight, this time seeing Brock as the loser.

We have a recap of the era of Stone Cold versus Vince McMahon.  Good times indeed.  On the point of Stone cold and his no show for the episode.  First off he was legitimately unable to show, unless you wanted to see the rattlesnake hobble down on crutches and throw the sign.  Yeah its not great that the 1000th show didn't have him, but its just bad timing and really he needed his knee surgery more than he needed a five minute segment on Raw.  Look on the bright side here, if his knees are good he may one day return for a match like Rock did.

We get a brief segment where Santino Hornswoggle hand out some new WWE merchandise in the form of wrestling buddy dolls.  I used to have a Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior wrestling buddy when I was little, although these new ones look a lot better I have to admit.  Nothing like a good bit of product placement by WWE.

Only Bradshaw could put the clothesline over as finisher
Heath Slater makes his now regular appearance on the show to get his ass kicked by a legend.  This week he challenges anyone from the back to face him in a no disqualification match.  Lita answers the challenge and although at first it seems like it will be just Lita kicking his ass, we get the APA and all of the recent legends from Raw showing up to kick his ass.  Well he gets clobbered with a clothesline from hell and hit with a moonsault before being pinned.  I have to say Animal still looks cool in his LOD spikes.

After a break we are introduced to Raws so called 100,000,000th social media follower.  He is clearly an actor judging by the way he acts and responds to Cole in this rather cool calm way, instead of being like any fan from the crowd who would be alot more excited to be on the show.  But we wouldn't an actual fan expressing their opinion live on the show because that would ruin McMahons opinion that everything he does is right.

I still don't see where the gay jokes come from?
The end of the night is a bunch of smaller segments.  We see Ryder, Cena and Mean Gene discussing the old GTV part of raw where hidden cameras revealed plenty of backstage shenanigans.  Ryder thinks the G stood for Gene and it was Okerlunds scheme, which he denies.  Fozzie bear recaps his favourite catchphrases of Raw and Rock wishes Cena luck in his match tonight.

Kane comes out for a match I guess, nothing is made clear here really, he just comes down to the ring.  He is surrounded by the midcard mafia and prepares to fight the entire group.  Undertaker makes his return to Raw by helping Kane squash those jobbers.

Charlie Sheen says if Daniel Bryan is in L.A. he will fight him basically anytime anywhere after Bryan vents his rage against him for earlier comments.  This wraps up mr.Sheens comments for the night and what a great addition he was to the proceedings hey folks......

WWE Championship Match - Luigi VS CM Punk

Punk clothesline rocky and he is KO'd?  Rock got weak recently
Yeah this match runs like the usual Cena match, only this time we see Big Show interfering twice to rescue Punk.  After the match ends in a disqualification for Punk, Show just continues to beat on Cena, prompting the Rock of all people to run down and save Cena.  I don't know why since the two hated each other prior to Wrestlemania.  Anyway Punk turns heel by attacking Rock and the show ends.

Overall I felt this show was nothing bad, but it was nothing like WWE had hyped.  The problem I see for WWE is now is the fact that this three hour was passable because they pulled out alot of stops to bring back past Superstars and played the nostalgia card heavily.  Next week this will be a very different show and I am not sure if they can deliver.  Hopefully this will mean we get less or no squash matches, instead focusing on longer fights.  I hope it works, but i'm not holding my breath.

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