Monday, 4 June 2012

TNA Review 3rd June 2012

And so we begin TNA in its new timeslot and its LIVE!  Well its not live for me since I watch it on challenge three days later.  Anyway we can expect more unscripted backstage talking segments (that thing they claim WWE does too much of, then do it all the time as well) and the use of more shoot style backstage segments with footage of the booking team talking about the matches etc.  Honestly why would you want to see this in a WRESTLING program?  Shit if you want that kind of material why not go to kayfabecommentaries and buy the guest booker series for that kind of insight.

Anyway they recap Sting's return from last week and Bobby Roo becoming the longest reigning TNA champion.  They have this voice over guy try and make it sound really interesting and shocking, but it just makes it sound even more cheap.  Can you imagine WWE being prefaced by a gravelly voiced man talking about Laurinaitis and his evil scheme?  It would cheapen the already pretty cheesy story even more.

Singles Lumberjack Match - Bobby Roooo VS Sting
"You no hurt Sting! Sting have Babyface Powah!"

TNA open with the lumberjack match announced by Hogan last week at Open fight night.  The entire locker room is ringside, which is barely enough guys to cover two sides of the ring let alone surround it.  Sting of course is super over, no selling hits and kicking the shit out of Roo.  Sure Roo gets some offence in but the match ends in a Sting submission victory since he has returning babyface powers.  Post match Hogan announces that Sting will face Bobby in the main event at Slammiversary for the title.  The crowd react like this is a surprise, but its been in the works for weeks now since Sting took time off.  Bobby Roo is simply keeping the title warm for him.

Backstage Madison Rayne is using straightners on her sash (ooo err misses), which I am pretty sure would melt it normally.  She talks about how she is going to be firm friends with Brooke Hogan and hopes her boyfriend will see her tonight.  Again with this mystery boyfriend thing, like anyone cares.
Park looks like Bully just told him a dirty joke

Bully Ray is in the ring now and calls out Joseph Park wanting to fight him.  Of course Park plays the scared non wrestler character despite his huge size and wrestlers physique.  Hilariously TNA security actually try to stop him from getting past the guard rail, even though he has jumped over it several times now without issue.  Bully goads him into accepting his challenge by admitting his guilt in making Abyss disappear, even though Abyss appeared on impact a few weeks back.  So Abyss isn't actually missing then.  Anyway Park accepts the challenge expecting to fight here and now, but instead Bully swerves him and chooses Slammiversary as the venue for their fight.

X-Division Title Match - Austin Aries VS Chris Sabin

The motorcity Machine Gun
Since Alex Shelley jumped ship recently, Sabin has been left up shit creek as part of a now dead tag team.  TNA try to cover this by saying that Sabin has been itching to try a singles run with his career and choose to ignore Shelley's vanishing act.  The match is good, but really is this a surprise nowadays?  The X division is the best thing in TNA and it gets woefully ignored by management.  Aries wins with a rollup pin.  The crowd though is very quiet during the match and this is interesting because now that TNA have gone live for their shows you can hear the real ambient noise of the arena and its quiet, since TNA can't add the looping crowd noises over the audio like they used to.

Backstage we get the second gut check segment and my god this is painful.  Watching Al Snow, Bruck Pritchard and Tazz pretend to have a serious conversation about whether Joey Ryan should get a job at TNA is fucking stupid.  Who the hell wants to see this shit on a wrestling program?  Maybe if TNA did a spin off show that followed the TNA crew as they went about making the show.  I would watch that since it would genuinely interesting to watch a documentary about the inner workings of a wrestling show each week, but during the actual program it takes away from the wrestling.

Dixie Carter shuffles her way to the ring to make some announcements.  The best thing about this is this.  TNA will have a hall of fame.  Seriously, the company is ten fucking years old, everyone who wrestled for them is still wrestling somewhere.  WWE at least has more than 40 years of history and wrestlers to draw from for a hall of fame, what does TNA have?  Are they going to invite guys from other companies who have retired to join their so called hall?  This will be funny to see, I imagine the hall of fame rings will be made of tinfoil or something.  Dixie also introduces Brooke Hogan who looks like her dad in drag.  Dixie says Brooke has "out of the box thinking" which made me and my brother laugh.  Brooke says very little of worth and the two just kiss each others asses before ending the segment.
The highlight of the match was it ending

Television Title Match - Devon VS Jeff Hardy

Yeah this match Sucked.  It was slow, boring and felt like I was watching a WWE reunion tour match.  Hardy just phones it in the entire time and Devon is so stiff and awkward its like watching a scarecrow wrestle with the help of a puppeteer in the rafters.  The crowd is silent barring the odd move that gets a brief cheer.  The match ends in disqualification when the two Robbies interfere again.  Shit match is shit.

OMG someone with a character
Back to gut check next. The three judges await the arrival of Joey Ryan who is getting alot of chants from the crowd.  Ryan comes out and plays the heel part pretty well, acting cocksure the entire time.  Pritchard says no, Al Snow says yes and Tazz says no.  The crowd fucking love Joey Ryan and boo this, which again shows that TNA cannot book a heel or a face properly to save their life.  Tazz gets in Ryans face and I can see Ryan attacking Tazz in the near future to setup a feud.  Probably with a stipulation that if Ryan wins he gets a contract.  I actually hope they do use him since he put on a damn good match against Aries.  Also Joey Ryan was way better than Alex Silva any day.

Singles Grudge Match - AJ Styles VS Christopher Daniels

This match was decent, styles and daniels always put on a good match.  AJ actually wins for a change even when Kazarian tries to interfere.  This means little though since post match AJ gets beaten down.  Angle runs in to help and puts Kaz in the ankle lock but gets low blowed by Daniels.  Kaz and daniels then try to tie Angle to the ring ropes using platic ties, but Angle keeps breaking them, so it takes them six tries or more to get the ties to stay on his arms.  They then play their final piece of evidence to prove that AJ and Dixie are knocking boots.  The call itself sounds more like AJ and Dixie are planning a surprise party for Serj (dixies husband) rather than planning a dirty weekend.  Despite this Dixie awkwardly walks onto the ramp to demand the production crew cut the feed, which surely does prove that she is screwing AJ.  Either way the fans don't care and actually cheer for AJ anyway so I don't know what TNA hope to accomplish with this.
Kazarians face is awesome here don't you think?

Overall for their first live show it was pretty middle of the road.  The matches where ok, but the crowd seemed very dead and the gut check segments where atrocious, I really hope TNA stay away from the backstage spots with people talking shop, because if they do that it will kill TNA from a ratings standpoint.  Who wants to watch that every week instead of wrestling? 


Grumpy Kitteh said...

I posted a link on Botchamania ;D

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