Monday, 25 June 2012

TNA Review 24th June 2012

Open fight night returns once again to bring us more scripted fight callouts, pre-taped backstage segments and Brooke Hogan.

Hogan never drops character even in event of fire
Speaking of Hogan, he is the first of tonights mouth pieces to hit the arena.  He first reminds us of the beatdown Sting recieved last week and that the three men responsible will be found and brought to justice.  So they probably be given a contract or something, I can't think of a bigger punishment than being forced to work for TNA.  Hogan also calls out Austin Aries to make a decision on the offer Hogan made him last week.  Aries arrives and proposes a different offer, this one being called option C.  Option C is that every year the current X division champion at Destination X can cash in his title and challenge the TNA world heavyweight champion for the title.  Basically its money in the bank but with the X division title instead.  Hogan loves the idea and Option C will be in effect until the writers forget about it next year.  This decision doesn't please Bobby Rooo for some reason, since its unlikely he will champ next year anyway and what has he got to fear?  He has already beaten every other fucker on the roster, whats Aries to him?  Roo threatens Aries with humiliation at Destination X and they brawl.  Mr.Anderson decides to interrupt and make his claim that whoever wins between them, they will face him when he wins the Bound for glory championship.

Singles BFG Match - Mr.Anderson VS Christopher Daniels

Anderson approves christian sidehugs
Anderson calls out Daniels for his attempts to break up two families.  Also all of the matches tonight are really short due to a 10 minute time limit on all BFG series matches.  The match was alright to be fair, but since they have the time limit its over in a flash.  Anderson and Daniels work well together, with Anderson winning via pinfall after hitting the Mic check.

Backstage AJ and Dixie talk about revealing the dark secret they have been hiding all this time.  AJ seems reluctant to reveal all, but Dixie convinces him otherwise.

In an obviously pre-taped segment that mirrors Hulk Hogans series of eliminations on the last two OFN shows, Brooke Hogan begins the tedious process of eliminating the knockouts throughout the show to decide the challenger for the knockouts title.  Brooke once again looks completely lost in her role as authority figure.  She decides to eliminate Madison Rayne first for being too focused on her boyfriend.

Singles BFG Match - Robbie E VS Kurt Angle

"Robbie do a press up while i hit the angle lock"
Robbie E makes an open challenge to anyone from the back, so uncle Kurt answers the call and promptly squashes Robbie in under a minute.  Kurt picks up the maximum 10 points for winning via submission, in a scripted show running a point based competition, there is no tension because its fake.

We are introduced to our gut check competitor tonight, the first female for OFN, but thats not saying much since its only the third episode of gut check really.  Taeler Hendrix might actually be a good addition for the knockouts roster.

Singles BFG Match - Magnus VS AJ Styles

Her knees will never be the same
Magnus calls out AJ for shagging Dixie, and also because his head isn't in the right place at the moment.  I am surprised by the sudden heel turn here considering the way he was viewed by fans when he tagged with Joe.  Anyway this match is relatively short, but again not bad.  AJ loses when Daniels and Kazarian distract AJ with some papers, allowing Magnus to jump him with hsi finisher.

Gut Check Match - Taeler Hendrix VS Tara

Sadly my hopes for Taeler Hendrix are torn asunder when she and Tara lockup.  The match is pretty bland and not that much of a talen showcase, which these matches are meant to be ultimately.  Maybe it was Tara who didn't help or Taeler was having a bad night, but the match didn't really do much to wow you.  Tara wins with her "devastating" widows peak, dropping her opponent on her knees hurts more apparently.  Will these gut check contestants ever win a match?

Backstage again this time with Bully Ray as he threatens Joseph Park some more.  Park again taunts Bully over his loss at Slammiversary but still has no idea where Abyss is.

Singles BFG Match - Samoa Joe VS James Storm

Storm demonstrates his new method of hair removal
Joe calls out Storm on the grounds that everyone is scared to face himself and the cowboy.  I expected this to be another squash personally, but the match went a little longer than most of the night.  Joe being a brawler was in his element here, but storm seemed a little out of his element.  Still the match was good, with Storm winning via his superkick.

Back to Brooke Hogan and her elimination segment.  She decides that ODB is next to be eliminated on the grounds that she is married.  No really thats the reason.

Singles BFG Match - Bully Ray VS D'angleo Dinero

This adorable D'angelo backpack can be yours for $19.95
Bully Ray calls out Pope because he is probably rusty from his time at hollywood.  This was another good match that had Bully in the position to win until Abyss appeared and chased Bully around the ring.  Dinero manages to hit his finisher and pin Bully for seven points.  Bully then flees the scene to avoid Abyss who appears to just want a hug from the former Dudley.

Knockouts Title Match - Mickie James VS Brooke Tessmacher

Prior to the match Mickie is chosen as the #1 contender because.....she used to fuck Cena?  Not sure why, it isn't important.  Now usually I put bad matches down to both wrestlers, but this match was all shit and its Mickies fault.  I say this because watching Brooke fight Gail the weeks prior she wasn't messing anything up.  This match there was a litany of blown spots and botches.  Mickie barely wrestles for TNA these days and it shows in her ring work.  Terrible match that ends quickly, but not soon enough.  Brooke wins and retains her title leaving a pissed off Mickie who shouldn't have lost because she had hold of the rope.
Mickie tells Hebner where his hands should be at all times

Singles BFG Match - Jeff Hardy VS RVD

Oh for fucks sake this again?!  Hardy and RVD for what the third time running now?  What else is there to say other than the match was boring.  RVD runs his usual spot moves, while Jeff lurches around the ring showing obvious signs of back and leg injuries throughout.  RVD completely misreads or forgets how to sell a Twist of fate by forward flipping from the move instead, but Hardy wins and thankfully the match ends.

The ending to tonights episode really exemplifies why I fucking hate TNA so much at times.  Remember when Kazarian was forced to turn heel to protect AJ from the evil secret he was hiding.  Then Kazarian turned on AJ because it was convinient.  Then remember all the weeks of build up from Daniels and Kazarian as they promised to reveal the big secret.  Then remember more recently that the supposed secret was that AJ and Dixie were having an affair and Daniels could prove it.  No one cared anyway, but who cares right?  AJ is getting it on with the boss big deal.  Well all that was wrong as we all knew, the truth is much worse (in a narrative way).  No the big secret, the thing that made AJ lose his mojo for wrestling is that he and Dixie were helping a drug addict beat her addiction.

Fuck off we don't care
Yes Claire fucking Lynch a character we have never seen before or care about appears and reveals to the crowd that she has been helped by both AJ and Dixie for months in secret for some fucking idiotic reason.  Daniels apparently knew about this all along because he makes mention that nobody backstage told him she was here.  This also means that Kazarian became a heel because AJ was doing a nice thing.  Do the writers at TNA have any idea how stupid this storyline has just become?  This one end segment makes the entire episode shit and beyond redemption.  All I can say is What the fuck were the writing team thinking when they decided that having the big secret be a drug addict getting help was a good fucking idea?



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