Monday, 11 June 2012

TNA Review 10th June 2012


Impact again and yes its still live, like thats some new innovation.  Anyway this episode is final run to Slammiversary so I assume this one will be full of plot build and matches to get heat on the heels etc.

So we start with a recap of last weeks "infamous" phone conversation.  Dixie running around pretending to be angry was funny, blaming the director of the show shouting "DON'T LOOK AT ME WITH THOSE EYES".  I would personally blame the creative team, but Dixie at least went the whole hog swearing at the production team. 
He sells this like a freight train hits him, but gets up immediately

Dixie opens the show by addressing the fans about what Kaz and Daniels have done.  Throwing a rock into a pond and creating ripples?  What crazy shit is she talking about?  If anything Kaz and Daniels have exposed AJ and Dixie as heels and should be cheered as the good guys.  Originally I thought that the whole affair angle was going to be Daniels getting the wrong end of the stick, but since Dixie seems so enraged and AJ hasn't said anything to deny it since the phone call it would suggest that they are in fact having an affair.  Anyway Kaz and Daniels interrupt Dixie and seem to be under the impression that they are not going to be fired for what they have done to the owner of the company.  Daniels taunts her until she gets violent (well she slaps him a little on the arm) so he pushes her over and threatens her.  AJ leaps into action running off the tag champions.  Dixies husband Serj/Surge? rolls in and punches AJ.  I love the fact that AJ just rolls with the punch but doesn't sell it like it was a really nasty punch or anything.  Serj/Surge leaves closely followed by Dixie and AJ.

Singles Match - Crimson VS Austin Aries

In an effort to build some kind of feud for Samoa Joe it seems creative have decided that he is now pissed with Aries because last week he got a bit of water on him backstage.  Seriously?  Joe has severe mental issues if he thinks that being sprinkled with water is a sign of disrespect.  Anyway the match is carried entirely by Aries.  Crimson is awful both in the ring and on the mic.  Because TNA now seem adamant on the idea of all dialogue being unscripted, Crimson just looks to be struggling to form sentences.  Aries loses of course since Crimson is undefeated (barring those tag losses he suffered with Morgan) but it wasn't because of Crimson no, Samoa Joe attacks Aries, knocking him out long enough for Crimson to get the pin.  Post match Crimson once again fails on the mic.
The future of TNA?

Couple of backstage segments before ad breaks, one involving Hogan ranting about his daughter now working in TNA and that for her its now "game on" whatever that means.  Second we have Brooke introducing herself to the Knockouts, well the babyface ones anyway.  She announces that Velvet Sky will appear in some redneck music video which pisses off Mickie James.  Maybe a heel turn is in the works for Mickie?

Hogan hits the arena next throwing all the usual poses and the like.  He begins to discuss Slammiversary and how Impact wrestling is ten years old, which I am pretty sure if wrong but whatever.  Bobby Rooo interrupts and begins bitching at Hogan like a schoolgirl trying to have a period.  He accuses Hogan of being jealous of his success and thats the reason for the way he has been treated since he took over as GM.  Before Hogan gets a chance to lay him out with the only wrestling move he can perform now (the punch) Sting arrives to fight Bobby.  He kicks the crap out of him and the crowd go nuts for the former WCW/WWF performers now both into their retirement ages (for wrestling anyway)

Fatal Four Way - Velvet Sky VS Mickie James VS Tara VS Brooke Tessmacher

Come on guys tell me why these are popular!
This match was AWFUL.  The only positive thing was the fact that they bothered to actually run the match as a fatal four way, instead of doing that weird tag version.  The match was filled with blown spots, awkward moves and bothces galore.  If I had the means I would record and post the footage here, but I am sure it will appear on Botchamania in the future anyway.  The highlight of the match was the bizarre four woman submission move, which involved one being in a boston crab or sharpshooter, then someone else putting on a choke hold and the final person choking them.  It looked weird all of them being stood in the middle of the ring like that.  Brooke wins the match to become the new #1 contender, but honestly the match was awful.

Much like last week so far the crowd has been pretty dead during the matches themselves.  The crowd chant and cheer more during the talking segments, but wrestling they go dead.


Next up is the contract signing between Joseph Park and Bully Ray.  Bully rips up the standard contract for the match and produces a new one.  This contract is instead for a no disqualifaction match, basically protecting Bully from any legal repercussions should he severely injure Park.  Park sanely decides to turn down the offer, so Bully spits in his face.  This riles Park up so much that he signs so he can win for his brother, speaking of which, Abyss appears on screen.  Amusingly Abyss starts talking to himself in the ring and on screen.  Abyss warns Park once again before threatening Bully Ray.  When they do a close shot of Abyss you can clearly see the curly wig he is wearing since his shorter straight hair can be seen under it.  To end the segment Bully cheapshots Park and leaves.

Television Title Match - Devon VS Robbie E

This match was short and didn't really show that much.  Most of it involved outside shenanigans by Robbie T who used a distraction to try and help Robbie E win.  Madison Rayne made a brief appearance on the ramp to watch her boyfriend.  The finish was pretty awful as well.  Devon manages to small package Robbie E, so when the ref is distracted, Robbie T rolls Devon over so Robbie E is pinning him.  The ref gets distracted again and Garett rolls Devon back into the pinning position.  Why didn't Devon just break the pin when Robbie T rolled him?  Why didn't either of them kick out when the pin was on for more than 10 seconds?  Devon wins in a pretty comical finish for a crap match.

Image from Botchamania - Jeff Hardy the forgotten muppet
Hogan once again comes out to the ring but now his voice is breaking.  He again tries to make an announcement but is interrupted this time by Mr.Anderson.  Anderson demands a title shot after Slammiversary.  Hogan tells him to cool his jets before calling out RVD and Jeff Hardy.  Hardy is wearing a shirt and tie with jeans and still has his weird face makeup on, do you think he would go to a job interview like that?  Anyway Hogan announces a triple threat match for slammiversary, the winner getting the #1 spot to face the champion on impact after Slammiversary.  So once again we see the trifecta of ex WWE/ECW talent going at it in a spotty botchfest on a PPV, hooray?

Six Man Tag Match - Kazarian/Christopher Daniels/Bobby Roo VS Sting/Kurt Angle/AJ Styles

AJ no shows the match, so I guess he must be getting some one to one career advice from Dixie.  This match was the best of a bad bunch really.  Since the faces are a man down they spend most of the match being used as punching bags.  Sting gets the worst of it, facing a beating from all three.  I guess Kurt might still be a little unsure on his knee so he does very little in the match.  Near the end of the fight AJ makes the save clearing the ring long enough for Sting to lock in the deathlock on Roo until he taps.

This episode overall sucked for wrestling.  Four matches in a two hour live show is a joke really, and the fact that two of them lasted less than five minutes is taking the piss.  The plot elements really went nowhere barring maybe Bully ray VS Joseph Park, and there was too much yapping for a wrestling show.  Maybe Slammiversary can save it who knows.

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