Monday, 14 May 2012

TNA Review 13th May 2012


Well I am back after a week of feeling pretty sick, well sick enough that watching TNA and taking notes was not on my to do list for last week.  But I am back and ready to tackle all the shit TNA has to throw at me, and by the looks of Eric Bischoff they have alot of shit to go around.
Honestly the guy is so bland, there are no funny pics out there of him

We open with the now mandatory Bobby Rooo talking segment.  I know TNA wants to emulate WWE and its opening segments, but seriously Bobby Rooo has no character at all.  He is a great wrestler, but as a speaker he just sucks, even as a heel.  Anyway he talks about how last week he beat up Hardy, Anderson and RVD, proving his dominance of professional wrestling.  While he rambles on incoherently RVD rushes the ring and attacks Roo.  Rooo escapes and begins to make his way to the back only to be attacked by Anderson, who forces him back into the ring.  Hardy also decides he needs to be on TV so he attacks Rooo also.  They all beat Roo for a few seconds and then start attacking each other for some reason.  Security arrives to break it up which prompts Hogan to shuffle his old ass out from the backstage.  He likes the idea of a fatal four way match tonight, but wants to offer each guy a reward if they win, so if hardy or anderson win they become the new #1 contender.  If Rooo wins he gets to pick his opponent for sacrifice, and if RVD wins he gets to pick what kind of match he will have with Rooo.  Now Hogan gives RVD the choice here, he say no to the fatal four way and leave it at that.  Instead the moron accepts the huge odds against him.

Backstage Bully Ray threatens Austin Aries by telling him to watch what he is going to do tonight.  So I guess he will waddle around aimlessly and gain weight, before attacking someone from behind with his fucking chain rattling the entire time.  Honestly how can Bully Ray keep sneaking up on people when he has that chain making enough noise that the camera's pick up the sound.  Suspension of disbelief is paramount for any Bully ray ambush segment.

Knockouts Singles Match - Velvet Sky VS Brooke Tessmacher
Its what I shout whenever i see the knockouts wrestle

Good god this match was bad.  Moves that took way too long to happen, spots blown completely and awkward pauses abounded.  Knockouts matches (like Diva's) all suffer from not having enough impact behind them anyway, so having so many botches every night does not help at all.  Most of the women can't even run off the ropes properly let alone perfrom a dropkick or slam.  We are mercifully given an end to the match when Brooke counters Velvet into a pin for the three count.  Post match Gail Kim beats the crap out of Brooke while telling everyone why she left WWE.

Madison Rayne apparently has some new boyfriend or at least someone who may be interested in her.  I will throw my bet in as the new guy they "hired" last week, Alex Silva.

Singles Match - Crimson VS Matt Morgan

This is advertised briefly as the end to their feud, but the match ends up being a non event as Bully Ray attacks Morgan before he gets to the ring.  Morgan blades after Ray hits him in the head with a chair. and Morgan gets carried away.  This is the message for Autin Aries and frankly it doesn't seem that different from what Bully does normally.  I was expecting some sort of truly vicious beatdown, but all we get is a cheap shot from behind and a chair shot to the face.  After this Crimson decides to force the ref to count Morgan out so he can continue his undefeated streak.  Not like that matters, since Crimson has lost several times in his career already.

X Division Title Match - Austin Aries VS Zema Ion

Best match of the show easily.  What surpised me the most was that Bully ray didn't interfere in this match instead, being he is feuding with Aries.  TNA crowds really make me laugh sometimes though, because they are way too willing to shout "this is awesome" for one outside dive, or top rope move.  Don't get me wrong this match was good, but it didn't deserve both a "this is awesome" and "this is wrestling" chant.  Aries wins after hitting his finisher.
Its not confirmed if anything what AJ has done beyond kissing

We finally get to see what the evidence is that Kazarian and Daniels have over AJ Styles.  It turns out that the evidence was three photographs, all taken in the ring, of AJ kissing Dixie Carter.  Now its assumed that this was years earlier because Daniels make note of AJ being there since the beginning, suggesting that this happened a long time ago.  But honestly who gives a fuck?  Even AJ doesn't seem that bothered and the crowd actually cheer AJ on.  This is what took months to reveal?  The stupid thing is that Dixie hasn't been on TV since she signed Hogan as the new GM so its not like we can have her reactions at the same time.  No doubt this story will just fizzle away like all of TNA's long running plot threads.

Television Title Match - Devon VS Robbie E

You can see the realisation in his eyes, his career has failed now he is in TNA
Another boring TV title match, and this one luckily is quite fast.  Devon squashes both Robbies pretty easily and hits Robbie E with his weak looking finisher for the win.  Post match Robbie T beats the crap out of Devon to help Robbie E out of the ring.  Backstage we see that Devon wants to fight both men at sacrifice in a triple threat so he can hit both of them with his spinebuster....erm yay?

Abyss' brother comes down to the ring to just talk to the fans.  No really thats it, thats all he does.  He doesn't do a kind of Poirot detective thing where he calls out all the suspects.  He doesn't discuss the evidence with the crowd, no he simply yacks on about his missing brother.  Bully ray eventually interrupts to tell him to leave the subject alone.  This prompts Abyss' brother to taunt Bully over his recent losses to the point where Bully pushes him over and walks away. 

Fatal Four Way - RVD VS Mr.Anderson VS Jeff Hardy VS Bobby Roooooo

I imagine it would be like wrestling in an empty arena
This was a decent match considering the short amount of time they had left to run this match.  The ending is what got me though, it was part hilarity, part stupidity.  Heres the setup.  Hardy hits Rooo with the twist of fate, stunning him.  Immediately after this Anderson hits Rooo with the Mic check, knocking Roo out cold.  Anderson then for no other reason than "need to be outside for RVD to win" flings himself outside with Hardy so RVD can hit the frog splash and win.  This was just funny, since Anderson had the match won, all he had to do was clothesline Hardy and become the #1 contender.  Instead he does this bizarre sudicide tackle to Hardy so RVD can win.

And with RVD's win, which was obvious really, his match will be a ladder match with Rooo.  Not like it will matter since Rooo will keep this belt right up until Sting comes back anyway.  This iMpact was crap like all the rest and I don't expect Sacrifice this wednesday to be any better.

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