Monday, 23 April 2012

TNA Review 22nd April 2012

In the aftermath of the "thrilling" Lockdown event we go back to one of TNA's oldest and most depressing tricks of having Bobby Rooo come out and bore the ever loving shit out of us for ten minutes.  I know I said oldest and by that I meant, a regular segment that hasn't been dropped in under two weeks like all of their storylines.  Rooo has also been to the same barber as Kazarian and gotten his hair cut short to look all generic, which I assume is the fad thing for wrestlers to do these days.  Sadly the crowd didn't greet his new haristyle with a "you look stupid" chant.  Rooo lists his accomplishments as the champ, insulting the crowd and thanks storm for kicking him in the face.  Mr.Anderson interrupts this captivating speech to make his claim for the new #1 contender spot.  Jeff Hardy then awkwardly stumbles down to ringside to also stake his claim to the title.  His "art" plastered all over his face and shirt, honestly if you go out and buy that shit your only encouraging him to make more of an arse of himself.  But just when things couldn't get any worse better, Hogan makes an appearance on the tinytron.  Hogan sets Anderson VS Hardy as the main event for the #1 spot, while he also demands that every champion in the company be at ringside later tonight.....Hooray?

Tag Match - Crimson & Bully Ray VS Austin Aries & Matt Morgan

This match sucked until Aries got into the ring.  Morgan basically played the 'babyface in distress' for a few minutes until his miraculous counter-attack that allowed him to tag.  Sadly Aries only gets at minute or so of time before he gets pulled into a schoolboy pin by Bully Ray and loses after Bully holds the tights.  Its amusing to see Bully completely no sell the beating he just took from Aries after winning, while Crimson believe it or not actually sold the hits.

Fucker needs his name tattooed on his chest in case he forgets
Garrett hits the arena.  Its always good to see a rich kid get his way with the help of daddy's money.  Oh wait no its not, it sucks and makes all the hard work of the other guys on the roster look like shit.  Anyway he gets his team from Lockdown out there with him to basically thank them for the support.  AJ Styles says Garrett has "balls" for taking the beating he did.  I can't imagine that AJ wanted to say that, but its not his jobs worth to cause trouble.  Ric Flair comes out to interrupt getting a pop from the crowd.  I should mention that the crowd here for a routine episode of impact, was far more vocal and into the show than the miserable bunch at Lockdown.  Anyway Flair is upset because of Eric Bischoff's firing after he lost in the cage.  TNA now even beep his surname so it sounds like everyone is swearing whenever they say his name.  Flair tells them that next week he will be hosting a tribute party to Eric *BEEP* and they aren't invited.  I can't imagine many people will turn up to be honest.

Singles Match - Kurt Angle VS AJ Styles

He would have been better used in WWE
This match was ok.  I am still bummed that Angle couldn't make it to olympics as an alternate.  It would have been hilarious to see him get mangled by some younger more hungry wrestler, but did we honestly think he was going to make it?  Well the match gets cut short anyway due to interference from Kazarian and Christopher Daniels.  They claim to now have the evidence that Kazarian turned heel for to protect AJ.  It appears to be a photograph, but to be honest this plotline got dropped weeks ago and now has been resurrected via necromancy to a crowd that really doesn't care.  It also makes no sense since the evidence that Daniels has would surely be something he would have used as soon as he got it surely?  Why hand onto it?  Kazarian went from unwilling pawn to evil heel in a fortnight over it.  So when Kaz did turn heel why did he not just reveal it to the world when he turned evil?  Unless the evidence harms him, which now we find out it doesn't.  It makes no sense.  Anyway Angle wins after Daniels show the evidence to AJ, with Angle apologising to AJ post match.  So it Angle still a heel?  Is he an honourable heel?  Also Angle was getting annoyed that they were there also so is he going to factor into this?  Not like any of this matters since TNA will drop it all for something else next week anyway.

Meanwhile backstage Abyss's "brother" Chris demands to know from Gunner where Abyss is.  Gunner tells him to ask Bully Ray which is something he was told weeks ago.  Where exactly is this storyline going?  Will we have two Abyss'?  Like the two undertaker storyline years ago?  I suppose that would more interesting if they could do it.  Personally I think that Abyss is actually Chris (in kayfabe) and he lost his memory after Bully attacked him.  There will be a confrontation and Chriss will become Abyss again to face Bully Ray.  Its very comic book, but its more plausible than the shit they normally come up with.
TNA's next big money hole OFN

Back at ringside all of the companies esteemed champs barring ODB and Eric Young who are on honeymoon are waiting for the Hulkster to shuffle down.  He informs the audience that TNA will be wasting more money on a new show called "Open Fight Night" or OFN for short.  OFN will allow new talent to show what they have and be judged by Hogan's personally selected stooges.  If they make the grade they get a contract.  This is not only a knockoff of NXT, but also a lame way to introduce talent they have already hired.  Bringing people in via a lame reality show gimmick doesn't get them over with the fans.  NXT proved this with season one of the show, when they had to make all of the contestants a stable to get the fans to actually give a shit.  This show will air once a month, and I give it about 4 or 5 months before it gets dropped to poor ratings.  Hogan also reveals that anyone from the locker room can challenge for a title shot anytime anywhere on OFN, which pisses off the heel champs and makes the faces happy.  The TV title will also be defended every week from now on.  I guess because no one cares about the TV title anyway they might aswell get some screen time for it.

8 Woman Tag Match - Gail Kim, Madison Rayne, Sarita & Rosita VS Tara, Tessmacher, Velvet Sky & Mickie James

Yeah I still don't see why these knockouts are so popular
This match was ok, nothing special or terrible.  I expected more botches and blown awkward spots but the knockouts managed to keep things coherent for a change.  Even groper hebner was good enough to keep his hands off the ladies during the match.  The ending was the usual multi-man tag match ending, where everyone but the legal two fight outside.  Gail tries to cheat by using the ropes to pin Tessmacher, until Velvet pushes Gails feet off the ropes to give Tessmacher the chance to pin Gail instead.  Tessmacher wins and the heel knockouts argue in the ring.

Television Title Match - Gunner VS Devon

YAWWWWWNN!  Devon sucks in singles competition.  Both guys have zero character or charisma and while the match was free of botches, it was just boring.  I struggle to think of a single reason to keep either Gunner or Devon, but somehow they keep getting matches.  Devon wins the match very abruptly, suggesting that they may have been short of time.

James Storm gives us our final talking segment (you know those talking segments they say WWE has but they don't).  He apologises for losing at Lockdown, tells us he feels like a failure which frankly if you work for TNA you already are a failure, even Jinder Mahal looks down on TNA talent.  Storm plays up the lack of confidence angle and leaves the ring silently suggesting that he may retire from wrestling.  Seriously TNA you are running another retirement story?  Sting, Hogan, Flair, Kurt Angle and now James Storm.  How many times in 12 months will they run the same story?

Triple Threat #1 Contenders Match - RVD VS Mr.Anderson VS Jeff Hardy

Yeah I should mention that Hogan just randomly added RVD to the match in a throwaway backstage segment.  This was the best match of the night by far, with all three guys getting in plenty of spots and keeping things fast paced.  Why they can't run matches like this more often I don't know.  RVD eventually wins out to be the next man to job to Bobby Roooo before Sting takes the strap off him.
Uncle Scotty Says "fuck this company"

I guess this was an ok episode, but again like the previous impact it did another 0.97 rating which was lower than last weeks 0.98. Scott Steiners campaign to get people to turn off during Hogan and Bischoff segments might be working.  Probably not though, I put it down to the show just being shit more often than not.


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