Wednesday, 11 April 2012

RAW Review 9th April 2012


This episode does not get off to a good start.  We are promised that the three stooges are in the arena tonight.  The crowd doesn't care and I don't blame them.  Why does WWE think wrestling fans want to see the fake stooges from a kids comedy movie?

Laurinaitis and Otunga come out to some hollywood style hero music.  Laurinaitis is all smiles and taking in the atmosphere, the music totally suits Laurninaitis' character and the way he views himself in the WWE.  Once the music is finished he introduces everyone to the new face of the company and John Cena's opponent at extreme rules, Brock Lesnar.  We see a recap of last weeks Raw with lesnar hitting Cena with the F5.  Lesnar's music hits and the arena goes nuts.  I seriously wasn't aware just how popular Lesnar was with fans in the attitude era, I always thought he was a big guy with a limited moveset and no character, but he still seems pretty popular.  Lesnar begins to thank Laurinaitis for the oppourtunity but is interrupted by the arrival of Cena.  As usual Cena gets the mixed reaction from the crowd he is so used to these days.  Cena quietly gets into the ring, goes face to face with Brock and slaps him in the face.  How manly of Cena to slap Brock, why not fucking punch him Cena you idiot.  Obviously this means Brock will have to punish Cena UFC style, so he takes him to the mat and busts his lip open with a pretty good punch.  The entire locker room comes out to break these two apart......for some reason.  It always amuses me that whenever Cena is looking to be in a bad situation the creative team just opt to have the entire locker room come out and save Cena, like he is some kind of saint.  Cena never runs out to save any other babyfaces when they are getting their ass kicked.  The segment though is a pretty good opener for Raw.
Lesnar busts Cena open

Backstage Laurinaitis reprimands Teddy Long for letting Cena go to the ring and demands Teddy bring Cena to him immediately.  Eve pops in to discuss something with Johnny, but he hasn't the time so she just tells Laurinaitis to call her since he has her number.

Tag Match - Brodus Clay & Santino Marella VS Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger

This could have been a match where Brodus actually had to wrestle but instead he just gets hit a few times and then never sells another hit from Ziggler and Swagger.  Santino is pointless in the match, and my brother made a good point here in pointing out that Santino's comedy move "the cobra" is now considered to be something dangerous?  All he does is poke someone in the nose or neck, how is that more powerful than say, the RKO?  Anyway Brodus buries Dolph for the three count.  The weird thing here is that Swagger just sits there and watches Brodus pin Ziggler.  I assume Brodus was meant to hit Swagger so he couldn't interfere but forgot.  Overall a pretty crap match really.
Holy shit Brodus is selling a hit

Backstage Teddy finally comes back with Cena in tow.  Laurinaitis gives Cena some shit, before telling him to take the night off with his bust lip, but Cena wants to wrestle tonight.  Laurinaitis decides he will face Otunga tonight then.  Oh great so Otunga gets buried, wonderful, nice idea John.

We also see Santino asking backstage if anyone has seen the stooges.  No one has so he just keeps wandering around, trying desperately to be funny.  He even claims that the stooges are the biggest thing in Italy.  Again why all the stereotyping of Italians?  I would have thought they would stay away from being so negative since so many americans claim to be of Italian ancestry.  Anyway Santino finds them in a crate and they run their routine.  It's not funny.

Singles Match - R-Truth VS Cody Rhodes

This isn't really a match since Big Show comes out again and I will try to explain the stupidity here.  He shows us footage, of him showing Cody footage of the wrestlemania footage of him being knocked out with the WMD.  Why show last weeks footage?  Why not just show him being knocked out again?  Or him being kicked by Kingston?  Really dumb idea.  Rhodes gets hit by Truth's finisher and he loses again.

Jobber Match - Lord Tensai VS Yoshi Tatsu

Now this could have been the start of a great feud here between the smaller faster Tatsu, as he tries to overcome the raw power of A-train.  This week Tatsu would lose, then the next week he would try again but this time get more offence in and build from there.  I would still have Tatsu lose but only after a truly gargantuan effort on Tensai's part to beat him at say Extreme rules.  Instead Tensai just mauls Tatsu until the ref ends the match and then he squashes Tatsus face.

WWE Championship Match - CM Punk VS Mark Henry

You're DISQUALIFIED
Prior to the start of the match Punk runs his angry promo about straight edge lifestyle blah blah.  You know, Punk was better when he had something to dig his opponent with.  he needs to run with something about Jericho, that Jericho doesn't want everyone to know.  Punk's overly long promo about alcoholism and the such is just boring after a while.  If he just said "At extreme rules I am going to kick Jericho's head off" the crowd would have been just as happy.  Jericho again taunts punk from backstage about Punk being hungover.  Jericho also runs a little long on this aswell.  The match itself doesn't last long as Punk just hits Henry with a tv monitor to get disqualified.  Jericho makes his way to the ring which distracts Punk long enough for Henry to hit Punk with the worlds strongest slam.  Jericho then pours beer on Punk.  Stone cold would be spinning in his grave if he wasn't dead.

Singles Match - Zack Ryder VS Alberto Del Rio

Del Rio has comeback powers at the moment so he squashes Ryder flat.  I wonder what Ryder has done backstage to piss off management that he is being buried so often of late. 
He might look bad, but his impression was pretty good

The three stooges hit the arena.  Two of them anyway, the third has a plan.  The plan turns out to be a hulk hogan costume.  And I have to admit that his impression of Hogan is really good.  He rattles off loads of Hoganesque dialogue and even gets hit voice down pretty well.  The crowd boo throughout this segment.  I think someone in WWE management was convinced that brining three comedians, pretending to be better comedians from the past would be a sure fire hit with the fans.  Obviously they were wrong.  Kane comes out to scare off the stooges and chokeslams the hogan stooge for a big pop from the audience.

Mark Henry botches by telling us he has another title match with Punk next week and this time it well be a no disqualification match.  He also tells us he will be the new world heavyweight champion next week.  Facepalm.

Singles Match - David 'A-list' Otunga VS The last son of Krpton

This is a typical Cena match.  Cena gets hit alot, hulks up, hits the five moves of doom, puts Otunga in the submission move, the end.  Post match Brock jumps Cena and hits him with the F5 again.  The crowd want Brock to do it again, but he just walks off.

F5!
This Raw was bad overall.  Matches that were either too short or just squashes.  The stooges were as appropriate as a fart in a funeral ceremony and the Punk and Jericho segment went on way too long. Hopefully next week will be better, but this episode felt very TNA this week.

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